No one ever thinks they will be sexually harassed. Everyone thinks that they don’t have to worry about it because they dress appropriately, don’t lead guys on, and stay in groups. However, none of these are indications of being sexually assaulted. I would know. I have been.
I am not going to give away too many details because this man is still out there and you don’t have to know exactly who he is. What I will say is he was a man who was like a grandpa to me. In fact, I called him grandpa because mine had died before I was born. I loved him as if he were my grandpa. But a few years before he molested me things started to become a little more sketchy. For example, whenever he hugged me he would brush my boobs. I never thought anything of it because I barely knew what sexual assault was. When that started, I was probably about 10 years old.
These actions escalated one day. This day is burned into my brain and is constantly playing, almost like a movie. It was a summer day before my freshman year of high school, so I was fourteen years old. I was moving down to the basement that summer and I was extremely excited. I wanted my “grandpa” to help me decide where to put some things in my room, so he and I went downstairs.
We talked about where I should put some shelves he made me, my bed, and a few other things. On the way back upstairs he said he loved me and pulled me in for a hug. I don’t remember how but somehow I turned to go upstairs but he pulled me back. That’s when he grabbed my boobs. I just stood there shocked for a while. Then I said we should go upstairs, so I started to try to move. He said, “No just one more.” That’s when I pulled away and ran up the stairs.
I couldn’t look at him for the rest of the night. I did not know what to do. I wanted to tell my dad, but how was I supposed to tell him that someone we all loved had molested me? I felt like crying all through dinner. However, when they finally left, the rest of my family and I went out for ice cream. It was the worst trip and still to this day I refuse to go back there because it just makes me think too much about what happened.
When we got home, my mom called for our goodnight call. I was sitting on my bedroom floor and she asked me how my day was and I lost it. I broke down in tears and could barely speak to tell her what was wrong. When I finally got it out she told me that I needed to go get my dad. I couldn’t repeat what happened so I handed the phone to him and had my mom tell him. I will never forget the look on his face. He looked at me with his mouth open, his eyes huge and his face red as he pulled me in for a hug.
Later that night my mom came and I recounted everything to my parents. Little did I know that I would have to do this to the police too. However, the police were much more inquisitive than my parents. The police asked things like “What were you wearing, what did he say, has this happened before?” At the time I wasn’t hurt by these questions, I was hurt by having to relive it again and again in my head. I just wanted to move on.
Eventually I was able to do so. Now I can actually hug someone without flinching, though older men and beards still creep me out. However, I can still hear his voice as he says “just one more” and see the entire event unfolding as if I was a spectator to my own life.
Sexual assault is a real issue today. Many people view it as a victimless crime and do not understand how often this occurs. Personally, I think this is mindset has to change. There are many institutions that are trying to combat this idea. It will take time but we are headed in the right direction.
If you are ever assaulted here on campus or anywhere else, know that it is not your fault and go somewhere safe. Then, if you want to, you can call the GBV helpline at 507-457-5610. Also, counseling services are available in the IWC. Never be afraid to report any assault; there are always people who are there to help without any judgment.