Confessions from an Expert Procrastinator

Hi, I’m Emily, and I think I may be the worst/best procrastinator alive; it depends on how you look at it. Worst, because procrastinating is the worst, but I do it anyway. Best, because I’m good at procrastinating. I don’t really know how I survived four years of high school (wait, yes I do - it was a lot easier than college). So I really don’t know how I’ve made it to my senior year of college with my procrastination habits not getting any better. If that is a sign of how my life will go after graduation, then I’d better get my sh*t together.

Here’s the thing, though. I always get my stuff done. I may do it last minute and stress myself out in the process, but it’s always done on time. I get it done with a large iced coffee and about six hours in the library. The scene of Spongebob trying to write his essay, but just ending up with the elaborate “the” at the top of his page is basically me before I actually start essays.

I attribute my procrastination to a couple things: (1) My mom is the same way (my brother, too) so naturally that trait was given to me; (2) I work best under pressure, and by pressure I mean the looming deadline that approaches faster than a steam engine flying down the tracks; and (3) It takes a lot to stress me out. That may sound like a total humblebrag, but it really isn’t a good thing. I don’t feel the stress as early as I should, and that is why I don’t start working on things early enough.

My favorite method of procrastination is Productive Procrastination. I will clean my room, read, clean my bathroom, clean the kitchen, or work on a project before doing what needs to get done first. I will also work on something for class that I like that doesn’t need to get done yet before working on that essay I need to write. Although my second-favorite method (and used just as much) is the modern-day college student’s best friend: Netflix. Peep my history—I finished Stranger Things 2 in the first weekend.

I want to stop procrastinating so much, but it’s hard. I want to change, so this is me turning over a new leaf—a bud, I should say. The leaf needs to grow a little bit while my procrastination lessens. I am going to manage my time better, I will religiously use my planner, and I won’t leave everything to the last possible day.


Emily, an Expert Procrastinator