Image Credit: huffingtonpost.com
This past week one of my friends was mocked anonymously on YikYak after posting a picture of herself in a bathing suit on Facebook. She responded beautifully with a status about her difficult journey to self-love and acceptance that included overcoming an eating disorder and other obstacles. Reflecting on the incident, I am both disgusted and disappointed. It never ceases to amaze me how cruel people can be online and especially on anonymous apps like YikYak. The cowardice of this deliberate malice has stayed with me all week. Loving your body is so difficult. We (and by we I mean women) are constantly bombarded with unrealistic (and often conflicting) ideas and images about what it means to be beautiful and attractive. As if that’s not troubling enough, from a young age little girls are taught that beauty is not only desirable, but somehow also a measure of goodness and character. It’s a challenge every day to make peace with your body given these standards, our own expectations, and the constant bombardment of “perfect women” in the media. Is it ever appropriate for some coward to add to all this pressure by piling on publicly to add injury to our insecurities? The answer is no.
What makes this whole thing even worse is how ridiculous it is. My friend is not only beautiful, she is also brilliant and knee deep in the middle of midterms. Instead of focusing on her work and friends, she had to take time out of her day to feel bad about and respond to the comments made by some superficial jerk who would not dare utter such insults to her face. It boggles my mind. It’s daunting enough that women are forced to conform to sometimes arbitrary standards of beauty. More daunting still is that when we don’t or can’t conform, we are ridiculed. Let me be extra clear on this point: it is not a woman’s job to convince you or anyone else of her beauty or worth.
Perhaps the worst part of the whole thing is that this incident went down during William’s annual “Love your Body” week, which is a week dedicated to self-love and self-health in all its various forms. The irony does not escape me that even during this week of body positivity, people still feel it’s okay to voice their negative opinions about other people’s bodies. However, it is worth noting, Love your Body week signals that Williams, as an institution and community, is more than aware of body issues and is trying to take positive action. Despite hurtful acts on YikYak, there is an entire network of people who have and are in extremely similar situations and want to help.
My final thoughts are these. To all potential mouthy bullies— both anonymous and out-in-the-open–please think about the harm you cause by body shaming; all people fall shy of society’s expectations in some way. The pressure that women, and especially women of color, face in conforming to prevailing ideals about women is often overwhelming. None of use need the added weight of your ignorant crap. To all my fellow lady Ephs and women everywhere—practice radical self-love, whatever that means for you. Love your body, love your mind, and love the people who nurture that love. There’s no greater act of resistance to society’s crap than radical self-love. Additionally for those of you currently struggling with body issues, there are numerous stages of loving yourself and everyone is at a different place, be patient and fight on. Loving your body is a continual process, not a final destination. To my friend (you know who you are)—you are beautiful in every sense of the word, but more importantly you are the fiercest friend, the most fabulous diva, and the epitome of class. As my mom would say, “You go girl!”