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Is Your Favourite Harry Potter Man Really Trash?

Honestly, who hasn’t fallen in love with one of the Harry Potter men? With seven books and eight movies worth of material to work with, it’s really no surprise. But how’s your taste? Are you in love with a tool, or is he ready to commit? Here’s my definitive list of Harry Potter men ranked from fuckboy to husband material. I only included characters that had relationships with major characters or were major characters themselves. Sorry to you Oliver Wood fans out there, but we all know he’s a keeper anyway. 

1) Severus Snape

I think it’s pretty evident which side of the debate I’m on. It’s not cool to obsess over a girl and make fun of her/ignore every aspect of her life/not move on after she says no to you. It’s also not cool to abuse her son because she chose another man. It’s not rocket science, Snape is awful. 

Husband Material: -2/10

2) Cormac McLaggen 

So, he’s attracted to smart girls. He’s also the stereotypical Gryffindor. He’s also a beefcake. That’s where his redeeming qualities end. He literally just wants a trophy wife to grab about. He’s the hockey bro that matches with you on Tinder and starts the conversation with “wanna get filled.” Swipe left, my friend. 

Husband Material 1/10

3) Albus Dumbledore

Look, I actually like Dumbledore. He knows how to turn a phrase, and he’s even pretty powerful — people are afraid of him! But, the guy has a serious habit of ghosting. He would totally leave you on “read” for weeks and then message you “you up?” when it’s convenient for him. 

Husband Material: 4/10

4) Fred and George Weasley

They would definitely switch places on you and see if you would notice which one you were kissing. They have their own source of income, which is great. However, they literally can’t live apart. Could you handle your husband’s twin brother hanging out with you literally all the time? Me neither. They’d definitely make jokes about your insecurities, too. Definitely, need to mature before they can move up the rankings. 

Husband Material: 4/10

5) Draco Malfoy

Okay, Malfoy is a solid 7 in the movies, but he’s a dreadful 2 in the books, so averaged out, he ends up here. He’s loyal to his family and he can definitely hold his own, but he runs in the wrong crowd and literally just bullies people because he doesn’t like them. Is a racist. Probably has a Burn Book. Definitely prefers sulking rather than talking about your relationship issues. Always expects you to do all the chores. Traditional gender roles. Ick.

Husband Material: 4.5/10

6) Dudley Dursley

Surprising, right? Dudley is a spoiled little brat for most of the series, but he does have a serious redemption arc with that whole “I don’t think you’re a waste of space” thing. We love a guy that can apologize when he’s wrong. But he is still probably a bit of a pain to deal with and probably leaves his dishes in the sink for a week, so he’s not quite husband material yet. 

Husband Material: 5/10

7) Ron Weasley 

I love the guy, but come on, he strung Lavender on for MONTHS when he wasn’t feeling her anymore instead of just breaking it off. We’re supposed to sympathize with him? I’m not having any passive aggressive playboy attitude around, thank you. However, he would definitely pay for excessive amounts of food and never comment on your weight. 

Husband Material: 6.5/10

8) Remus Lupin

Lupin is one of my favourite characters, but he’s not exactly the biggest love-bug around. He’s kind of got nice-guy syndrome and always pulls the “you deserve better” card, even after Tonks’s Patronus changed. He does get points for his way with kids and wit, though. He’s almost there, he just needs to relax a little. 

Husband Material: 7.5/10

9) Harry Potter 

Harry is literally ready to die for you. He has some zingers up his sleeve, and he isn’t afraid to roast anyone who gets a bit too big for their pants, even if it can be a little mean at times. He’s one of those super underrated guys who’s actually really funny and nice, but gets a bad rap because of his status as a celebrity. He gets salty really easily though, so make sure you’re not too proud to be the first to apologize. 

Husband Material: 8.5/10

10) Cedric Diggory 

Twilight jokes aside, Cedric is an amazing character. He’s smart, talented, and very in love with his girlfriend. He’s worthy of the Tri-Wizard Tournament, even above all the Gryffindors who would be the obvious choices for a competition that involves nerves of steel and poor impulse control. He could have left Harry to rot, but instead chose to partner with him. He’s looking out for the greater good and I expect he uses the same devotion in all aspects of his life. 

Husband Material: 9/10

11) Neville Longbottom

Though he easily gets himself into questionable situations, Neville is an absolute sweetheart. He’d much rather stay at home and cuddle instead of going out to the bars. He just wants a quiet life with someone to love, and if your friend turns out to be a snake, he will definitely cut a bitch. 

Husband Material 9.5/10

12) Viktor Krum

Krum is definitely a feminist. Although every girl follows him around screaming, he just wants someone who is well educated and will treat him as more than just a Quidditch star. Even when he and Hermione broke up, he still treated her with dignity and respect. More guys like Viktor Krum, please. 

Husband Material: 10/10

13) Sirius Black

Okay, I know he has a reputation for being a playboy, but I honestly don’t see any evidence for that at all. What I see is someone who is unendingly loyal, passionate, and just looking to give and receive true love. He’d definitely want to hang out with your friends and bring you along with his as well. He’s honest, funny, protective, and let’s not even get into how many times he’s written as handsome. He may not always think super far ahead or think about the consequences of his actions, but I think his loyalty makes up for that. He’d definitely punch Lucius Malfoy in the face for you. BONUS: built-in dog. How cool is that?

Husband Material: 12/10

Madeline McInnis

Wilfrid Laurier '19

Madeline graduated from the BA+MA program at Wilfrid Laurier University in 2020. In her undergraduate degree, she majored in Film Studies and History with a specialization in film theory. She later completed her Master's of English degree, where she wrote her thesis on the construction of historical memory and realism in war films. If you're looking for a recommendation for a fountain pen or dotted notebook, she should be your first line of contact.
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