Trigger warning: If you have experienced something similar and it may trigger strong negative emotions, please do not continue reading. No details are said but I go through the feelings I felt during my personal experience being sexually harassed. If this could potentially set you back, please do not continue reading!
I was sexually harassed at work, and since this happens far too often, I decided to share my story about it.
You know what they say… it’s hard being a woman in a male-dominated workplace. It is. It’s extremely hard being a woman in a male-dominated workplace. You are ogled, you have to adjust yourself to make others comfortable, you have to listen to terrible things being said and you feel like you can’t say something without being labeled.
That’s how I felt.
I’ve been working at the same job every summer for my entire undergraduate and each summer has gotten worse and worse. My first summer I was told all about how dumb it is that women cry and run to human resources all the time. So okay, can’t do that.
Since then, I’ve had it in my head that I should just brush things off, and normally I can. Except not this summer. An individual I work with was known for being inappropriate. Everyone knew it. Was anything ever really done about it? Of course not.
I made sure to avoid him…not talk to him unless needed to… don’t go near him. I was good for two whole summers. I still did hear of some inappropriate things he said about me and others, but I never had to deal with it personally, so I brushed it off. This summer was different though. This past summer, I had to work with him in pretty much a private setting, where any other person around could rarely hear anything he said.
He knew this and took advantage.
He asked so many inappropriate questions and made so many inappropriate remarks. I always just brushed it off. Most things were just slightly crossing a line, which I decided was an appropriate excuse. I was known as a pretty laid-back person where I worked, and I wanted to keep it that way. I also never really minded when someone would say something weird or “gross”, because I don’t get offended easily and I normally don’t get uncomfortable easily.
Again, this summer was different. I was made to feel uncomfortable so many times. I would always make sure to mention anything that was said to someone else, but most times it would be laughed off and I would feel like maybe I was overreacting.
So, I let it go.
Eventually, it got really bad. I was dreading working with the individual. I didn’t want to even be close to him. Especially, because whenever I was close, he’d seem to always find a way to brush against me. It was seen by so many people, so many times. I would tell people it weirded me out, and again it got laughed off.
In the last few weeks of summer, I was again working with him and he made a really inappropriate comment to the point that I couldn’t comprehend that he thought it was okay to say that to me. I said something to someone I worked with, and even they were uncomfortable. I told myself, the next time he said something I would go to someone and actually speak up. I still was too scared to say something then, but I was getting better. What he was doing was not okay and I finally realized it.
Unfortunately, the next time he tried to do something; it was actually physical. I didn’t know what to do, so I just stayed as far away from him as possible. I didn’t even want to be at work anymore, but I didn’t have a chance to say anything until an hour later. Eventually, I went up to my close friend I worked with and told him. I was so scared it would be laughed off again, but luckily, he took it seriously and told me he’d talk to someone for me.
I cried the whole rest of the shift and I was beyond thankful for my friend who kept checking up on me. If it weren’t for him, I would have just quit. I had to talk to a superior, which I was absolutely terrified about. I was met with complete coldness and I felt like an idiot leaving that meeting because I was made to feel like I should have spoken up sooner.
Trust me, I know I should have, but people don’t realize how hard it is to speak up.
This happened during my last week, and it was one of the worst weeks of my life. I was terrified to come to work because the individual was there. I felt so uncomfortable and awkward. And the icing on the cake was that the individual decided to say that I basically encouraged his behaviour.
What happened when I was told that? “Well did you? Because if you did, boys will be boys.”
Boys will be boys.
That rang in my head the whole day. I was so upset I almost got up and left right away, but I stayed and stuck it out. I struggled through that whole week and I am still very upset about it. That was something no one ever wants to hear.
I regretted saying something. During that week I wish I didn’t say anything and just let it be. The only reason why I don’t regret it anymore is that my close friend that helped me report it constantly reminded me that by me saying something, I saved the next girl who may have to work with the individual in the future. He was right.
Unfortunately, it seems as though he was let off the hook. The frustration that people are let off for things like this astounds me. It makes me so sad and I feel like no one really cares. I don’t like to bring it up because I don’t want to be that dramatic chick at work, but it is so hard working with someone who makes you feel uncomfortable, and it’s even harder to feel like no one understands.
In the end, I’m glad I did say something. I spoke up about something that bothered me and I’m really thankful because now that I work part-time, I won’t have to work with him again. Did he get in trouble? Maybe not. But I hope that he learned something. I also did, and that is to not tolerate anything that makes me feel uncomfortable. I let it go for far too long and speaking up may have been a bitch, but it was worth it.
As messy as my story may seem, I am using it to let you know that it’s okay if you don’t understand what’s going on, or if you let it go for a bit then decide enough is enough. It is your life, and you are no less of a victim of this if you deal with it for longer than others. You don’t deserve to have to deal with this kind of behaviour though, so never put up with something that makes you feel uncomfortable or if you cannot deal with it any longer. Speaking up will help, even if it’s awkward.
This article was made anonymous for personal reasons, but if you are experiencing something similar and need some advice or just someone to vent to, please feel free to contact hc.wilfridlaurier@hercampus.ca and you will be directed to the author of this article.
No one should feel uncomfortable because of another person.