One of my biggest fears used to be being disliked. I used to be so invisible and such a people pleaser that I would rather have people think nothing of me than have them hold negative thoughts toward me. The first time someone truly put forth their negative feelings toward me, I was devastated. I wanted to make it better, tell them all the ways I could make it up to them and do anything to get back on their good side. It wasn’t until a few years later that I realized that being a people-pleasing friend-to-all is one of the worst things you can do for yourself.
It might seem like a positive thing, saying you’re everyone’s friend and getting along with those who are difficult to get along with. But when you really think about it, if you’re constantly friendly to everyone, even to the people who don’t deserve it, you’re actually putting yourself on the back-burner. For instance, let’s say you have a person in your life who constantly lets you down and talks behind your back. But, since you don’t want drama and consider yourself everyone’s friend, you continue to be nice in order to avoid the drama that may come from confrontation. This means the issues will never be resolved, and you will never learn to stand up for yourself. That is not a life worth living. It is better to remove those who do not respect you or bring value into your life than to have everyone consider you a friend.
The lesson that people “come and go” in life is an extremely important one to fully comprehend. Losing people, especially those with memories attached to them, is difficult. It will always be hard, but life shouldn’t bring compromise when it comes to people who walk all over you or bring more negativity than positivity into your life. Learning to let the wrong people go is a skill. And over time, you’ll learn that it’s easier and more relieving to let the wrong people go than to hold onto every person that’s ever entered your life. Once you begin to do this, you’ll become more accountable to yourself as a person.
Letting go of people who don’t add value to your life is not easy, but it’s necessary for your personal growth and well-being. The first step in doing this is to recognize and accept that not everyone in your life is meant to stay. People change, and so do relationships. It’s important to evaluate the impact each person has on your life. Ask yourself: Do they support you? Do they respect you? Do they bring positivity into your life? If the answer is no, it might be time to distance yourself.
The second step is to set boundaries. Boundaries are essential for maintaining your mental and emotional health. They help you define what you are willing to tolerate and what is unacceptable. When someone crosses these boundaries, it’s a sign that they may not have your best interests at heart. It’s important to communicate these boundaries clearly and firmly, without feeling guilty. Remember, setting boundaries isn’t about being unkind; it’s about respecting yourself enough to protect your own well-being.
The third step is to take action. This might involve having difficult conversations, gradually distancing yourself, or in some cases, cutting ties completely. It’s natural to feel anxious or guilty about this process, especially if you’ve been a people pleaser for a long time. But remember, this is about prioritizing your mental health and happiness. Surrounding yourself with people who genuinely care for you and support your growth is far more valuable than having a large circle of acquaintances who don’t respect you.
Being liked by everyone isn’t worth the cost of your own happiness and self-respect. It’s far better to have a few genuine relationships than to spread yourself thin trying to please everyone. By learning to let go of those who don’t add value to your life, setting firm boundaries, and taking decisive action, you’ll cultivate a healthier, more fulfilling social circle. Ultimately, the journey to self-respect and self-worth involves making tough decisions. But, these decisions lead to a life where you are not just valued by others, but more importantly, by yourself.