Let’s admit it, a lot of people enjoy casual dating; even I did once upon a time. However, after months of spending time on dating apps such as Tinder and Bumble, I got tired of sabotaging myself and decided that dating for ‘fun’ wasn’t my cup of tea. It took me a year of casual dates and hookups to realize this. Back in May, I called it quits after deciding I would rather be alone and just focus on myself. A negative experience of casual dating may not be the case for some people. It has benefits such as exploring your sexual identity or even discovering what you want in a partner. I began to self-reflect on my negative experiences and figured out the reasons why dating for ‘fun’ wasn’t giving me what I needed.
It affected my self esteem
Let’s be real, people get attached. I will openly admit I have a soft heart, which means I am one who finds themselves getting attached quickly. When I genuinely liked someone and didn’t ever hear from them again, it would hit my self-esteem like a truck, often leaving me to wonder if I did something wrong. This took me long to realize, but casual dating was negatively affecting my self-esteem and overall confidence.
It was a waste of my time
I realized, after spending hours a day swiping through Tinder or Bumble, I wasn’t spending my free time constructively. I was wasting those perfectly good hours looking to meet someone that I would speak to or see one or two times before moving on to someone else. When I could’ve been spending my time with friends and family, making lasting memories with people I care about.
I’d rather be alone
What I came to realize is that I would rather be alone than be someone’s 2 a.m. booty-call. This realization took a while and goes in hand with my point about self-esteem. I would rather put time and effort into loving myself than be hooking up with somebody who only wants me when nighttime comes around. Personally, it was important to understand that I didn’t just want to be a late-night call.
I want real love
I want to experience hard, real love with someone that is in it for the long haul. I know that I get more positive things out of a relationship than what I do casually dating. Even if a long term relationship doesn’t work out, I know I would rather experience that intimate feeling with somebody than to fool around with someone for a couple of days or weeks. I learned that I need something long term instead of one-time flings.
Dating is complicated, whether it is casual or authentic. By no means are either of them extremely easy to do. After a year of having my ‘fun,’ I realized that I wasn’t getting any of my needs met. It was finally clear to me that the type of person I am just isn’t built to withstand casual dating. Taking a step back and reflecting on what you want and need as a person is something I encourage everyone to do, no matter your opinion on relationships.