It’s human nature to seek closure or a sense of resolution in any given situation. We want explanations for situations we don’t understand. If I don’t get closure in a situation, I become consumed by it. This often leads to an unhealthy mental state and hurt feelings, because I find it difficult to move forward without closure.
In high school, I had a friend who I had been friends with for over five years. We shared many fun experiences together, laughed and bonded. One day, our friendship began to change in a negative way. Over time, I tried to reach back out to her, but instead, I was on the receiving end of the silent treatment. I was confused because I had only ever given her respect, love and support. When I realized that she was not going to communicate with me, I needed to find a way to move forward on my own. I couldn’t wait forever for her to reach out to me. It was also important for me to realize that she came into my life for a reason, but she wasn’t meant to stay and that is okay.
In my first year of university, I met someone I was infatuated with, which is why I was hurt when our situationship ended. I confronted him and ended the situationship. As hurt as I was, I didn’t want to say no because I really liked him and thought I would never find someone else after him. I was scared and hurt because I was vulnerable with him and I hadn’t shared that with anyone else. I felt empty inside and this temptation to want to crawl right back to him. I thought why did he just ghost me out of the blue like that? What changed between us? I will never know. I worked on myself until I got to a place of peace and found the closure I needed.
The last situation I had been in, where I couldn’t find closure, was with another friend. We were pretty close but one day we got into an argument. It led to me wanting space in our friendship, and we didn’t speak for a while. A month later he passed away and I was left feeling sad, hurt and guilty. How could I ever make amends with him? I couldn’t cope with his death, as he was a kind and sweet soul and I just felt the guilt on my shoulders for never giving him a chance. How could I find closure in this situation? I think it was important to remind myself of all the good memories we shared and to honour his memory by spreading his kindness. I thought about what I could change about myself so that I could be free from wondering, questioning and guilt. In doing so, I learned to find closure within myself, instead of looking to someone else to give it to me.
It’s an important lesson to learn, that you can’t rely on closure from others. Chances are you are not going to get the apology you want or the answers you are seeking. If you need closure from a situation, dwelling on it will hurt you more. Recognize that closure comes from within and move on by choosing how you react to a situation. Take control back of your thoughts and emotions. Write a letter, talk with people you trust, find a way to meditate or even write an article about it for Her Campus. The last method really helps!