Since COVID-19 was declared a pandemic and social distancing became a household term, I have received two questions from extended family members. The first question they ask is about my classes – if they’re online, what that transition has been like, etc. Then they ask me about distancing from my boyfriend.
As far as I’m aware, there are three main options for couples right now: Either you’re living in the same household and seeing each other 24/7, you’re both living in separate households and not leaving the house to see one another, or you’re living in separate households and making an exception by seeing the other occasionally from six feet away.
My boyfriend and I decided to be in the second group. While normally we would see each other at least once or twice a week, now we are not seeing each other in person at all. It is hard to not know when we’re going to be able to see each other again.
As time has gone on, our frequency of the phrase “I miss you” increased and filled us with dread and nostalgia; because even though the phrase was said out of love and a place of caring for the other person, it didn’t make a positive difference in the other’s life. The phrase was a trigger and a reminder of what the current situation has restricted us to.
Instead of saying “I miss you” or “I wish you were here,” we’re trying to say things like “I’m thinking of you” or “you would enjoy *blank*.” We realized that the more we try to plan things for the first time we see each other, the higher the expectations will be.
Instead of seeing each other in person, we’re making more time for calling and video-chatting. Instead of asking about the other’s day (because let’s be real, we’re all just watching too much Netflix and trying to do homework), we’re sharing funny memories from our pasts and sending memes. Instead of “see you soon” we say “I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”
Instead of being physically close, we hold onto physical items the other has given – whether that’s a sweater, blanket or a handwritten letter in the mail.
Communication matters more than ever now, so be sure to communicate with your partner what your expectations of them are. If you want them to call you every night, tell them. If you want to share screens on zoom or using Netflix Party, do it! Now’s the time to talk about what you want and get creative with your relationship. If certain phrases like “I miss you” are coming up and making you feel sad, bring it up with your partner and figure out how you can be more considerate of the other’s feelings.