The Thoughts I Have When I See My Facebook Friends Getting Married

“Why is everyone getting married?”

“How do they decide who they want to be their bridesmaids? I don’t even like anyone enough to share my tacos with.  Wait. That’s because I will probably care more about Taco Tuesday than I do about my wedding.”

“I genuinely have to second guess spending the extra money on guac and they got a cake that costs hundred of dollars. Why.”

So much money…

“Does it make me a bad friend if I unfollow them on Instagram? I really do not need to see the 18th TBT of their big day.”

We get it… your photographer is a magician.

Haven’t they only known each other for one year…? That’s only 1/20th of their life.”

They are aware that over 50% of marriages end in divorce, right?

“OMG I hate that dress.”

It’s like prom all over again (and prom was only 3 years ago… it might as well be).

“Oh I hate that dress too.”

I really hope it was reasonably priced.

And then you finally see a dress you like: “Wow that dress is so beautiful… I wonder how I would look in that dress.”


*Starts to roam Pinterest and eye every dress that I could possibly ever want… and is drastically out of my price range. *

“Someone decided to actually marry that person?”

I have seen them streak after losing a game of beer pong and get kicked out of every bar in town… and now they are adulting.

“AHAHAHHAH I made out with her once.”

And I always thought she was into girls… but I guess not. *Sighs disappointingly*

“Am I going to get invited?”

On one hand, we were best friends in high school.

On the other hand, I really don’t want to go and we haven’t talked in over a year.

And sometimes I do think: “Shit they are actually really cute.”


“OMG another one? How many engagements can happen in one week?”

The classic Christmas (engagement) season.

“Damn that ring is huge”.

* Yells “BABE THIS IS THE ONE I WANT… but bigger duh” *

“I still don’t think I am old enough to get married, oh god.”

“But I guess… one day…”

Far, far, far in the future.