My gap year experience was a reward for myself––a true homage to my growth and independence. It reminded me of what it was like to be a kid, not burdened by due dates, afraid of losing time, or anxious about the future. Instead, I was free to live day by day without a plan––to enjoy life and live in the moment. My experience living away from a life centered around the hustle and bustle of school and work allowed me to live more wholeheartedly. Realizing I could create such an immense amount of happiness for myself and others was transformative to my outlook on how I want to live my life.
Beginning amidst a global pandemic, I was initially upset that the whole world shut down, as my plans to travel went out the window and I feared my extroverted soul would die of boredom. However, COVID forced the world to slow down,, and without having work, school or any social obligations, I felt that I, too, could slow down and enjoy the little things that I often took for granted.
I became in touch with my inner child, something I felt I had lost touch with over the years of becoming a young adult. My inner child was full of laughter, light, love and curiosity. Yet, she was suppressed by my constant need to work and amibition to do better and be stronger. I was always concerned about the future. How can I reach my goals? How do I do everything that I can to make sure I am becoming who I am meant to be? How can I be successful? I told myself that I always had to be on the go and that I was wasting time if I stopped striving towards my goals. I was getting older.
I missed living in the present, like an innocent child who has no concept of time. The days felt endless and warm, and my biggest worry was getting home before the streetlights came back on. During the lockdowns, I kept myself busy with activities, crafts, reading, hiking, listening to music, baking, chalking on the driveway, bike riding, reaching out to old friends, connecting with family and lying on the grass on sunny days.
There was something so peaceful about starting each morning with absolutely no plans and responsibilities. I would wake up, make a delightful breakfast, read a book on the sofa, binge watch RuPaul’s Drag Race and Forensic Files, indulge in nature and explore my creativity by cooking. And that was just one day. Each day was different. There was no pressure of trying to cram in work, studying and making plans. Enjoying these little moments made me grateful for everything I have in my life. It made me feel incredibly fortunate to have a loving family, a safe home, food and access to activities. Some people survived the pandemic without those comforts, and having everything right at my fingertips gave me perspective on how lucky I am.
I also had the privilege to develop deeper relationships with friends and family. My grandparents were alone for most of the pandemic. Once restrictions eased, I began visiting each of them once a week for a sleepover. I have always been close with my grandparents but being on my year off gave me time to spend days in their company, listening to their stories and reminiscing about the “good old times.” In turn, I shared a part of me who is learning to be a young woman––still their little granddaughter at heart but who invited them to have a closer look at the woman I was becoming.
When I was hanging out with my grandparents, I kept asking myself whether it was possible to love someone so intensely that simply being in their presence, exchanging stories and sharing hugs made you feel secure and safe? I think that is why I enjoyed my gap year so much. Despite everything that was going on in the world, I became more aware of the small things in life that we often forget are at the forefront of who we are.
My gap year was so unexpectedly amazing that I almost forgot about travelling, my initial plan. And don’t get me wrong, I still want to, but I have so much time. I felt refreshed from my year off. Now that my life is busier with school and work again, I have noticed that I crave a slower pace. I want to appreciate and truly experience everything that comes my way without rushing through it or constantly feeling like I am running out of time. My gap year helped ground me, in a sense, so that I know who I am and how lucky I am to have what I do in my life. It was a positive experience, and I hope to continue emulating that energy. Rest assured, as soon as I am done with my undergrad, I will be taking another year off!