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Sex + Relationships

How to Not be a Simp in Relationships and Still Care

If you’ve ever found yourself always simping in a relationship with minimal effort in response, this article might be just for you.

The term “simp” has recently been used jokingly to describe someone who puts him/herself in a subservient or submissive position under a man/woman in the hopes of winning them over. The word simp is often specifically used to describe a man, however, simp qualities can be portrayed by both men and women. 

Many individuals believe that “simping” is just a basic level of respect between a man and a woman. However, there is a definite difference between showing respect and being a simp. While showing respect and caring are basic attitudes every individual should have in a relationship, a simp is a bit different. A simp doesn’t treat themselves or men/women with respect, as they are manipulatively trying to impress them by bending over backwards for their approval.

A sign that may suggest that you are a simp is if you put the person you’re interested in on a pedestal. You don’t happen to see any faults in what this person is doing and believe they are superior to you. You may also often get overly invested in relationships with people you barely know. If you’re on social media all day trying to slide into someone’s DMs, I hate to tell you, but you might be a simp. Simps also get manipulated quite easily by others. If you are willing to do anything for someone’s attention, you are allowing them to walk all over you.

If any of these signs seem familiar to you, here are some ways you can learn to stop being a simp and just focus on respecting and caring for your partner.

Make sure you are both giving equal effort in the relationship

In every relationship, it’s important for both individuals to be providing equal effort and attention. When you’re the only one going above and beyond for your partner, it can feel somewhat degrading. Remember to respect yourself first and let that person go if you aren’t receiving the same energy you are putting out.

Set clear boundaries for yourself

Setting boundaries is one of the most important things in a relationship. Every healthy relationship requires you to be open about what you want and know when it’s time to let go. Learn to stand up for yourself when you feel like you’re being taken advantage of. When you can learn to figure out who you are, that’s what you can bring to the table. Conversations with the person you like won’t be about asking for their attention, but rather why they should care about you.

Don’t look for validation

Even though it is nice to have the approval of others, the only way to truly get it is by having a high level of self-respect first. A lack of self-confidence is often what makes us want to seek validation from our partners. However, chasing for approval won’t make it come any faster. Instead, learn to boost your confidence with positive self-talk using affirmations. Train your brain to believe that you are amazing the way you are, so you don’t need to seek approval from anyone else.

Don’t stop pursuing your own interests for your significant other

It is important to stick to the things that make you happy in a relationship. One of the biggest mistakes you can make as a simp is losing yourself and what matters to you for another person. Do not drop everything you love to make someone else happy, nothing good will come out of it. You’ll end up losing out on the things you enjoy all for someone who won’t respect you for it.

Remember to respect yourself in relationships along with others. Allowing yourself to get walked all over only undermines your own value. Hopefully, by implementing some of these tips, you can learn to stay clear of the simp zone and start having fulfilling relationships with others.

Chandni Bhatt

Wilfrid Laurier '21

Chandni is a fourth-year Global Studies and Political Science student. She loves writing, reading and binge-watching Netflix tv-shows.
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