Her Campus Logo Her Campus Logo
Life > Experiences

How to Cope With Hating Your Best Friend’s Boyfriend

This article is written by a student writer from the Her Campus at Wilfrid Laurier chapter.

When your best friend falls in love it’s the happiest time of their life. They’ve finally found the one; the person that makes them laugh, the person that they want to spend every moment with and the person that makes them feel great about themselves. There’s only one issue — you hate them. For whatever reason, you can’t help but ask yourself, “what does she see in him?” You dread every moment you have to hang out with them, and you secretly hope that their relationship fails, no matter how guilty this makes you feel. If this describes your current situation or if you’ve experienced this in the past, have no fear. I’ve come to realize that hating your best friend’s boyfriend is more common than one might expect and there are definitely ways to cope with it.

In the beginning of a relationship we tend to romanticize our partners and believe that they are perfect and can do no wrong. The honeymoon stage leads to rose-coloured glasses and although this eventually wears off, it is incredibly annoying to have to listen to your best friend talk about how amazing their partner is when you just don’t feel the same way. She sees the best part of him because he loves her and treats her better than anyone else, but maybe he’s actually rude and annoying to be around for everyone else. Let your friend have their honeymoon stage but don’t be afraid to tell her if he’s being disrespectful to you. She may be defensive at first, but eventually she will understand that you’re a real friend that is just concerned about their happiness and well-being.

Try to recognize the positive parts of your best friend’s boyfriend. It’s not going to be easy but remember that this is someone that is a major part of her life. There are reasons why she loves him and although you may not understand, try to be supportive. If your best friend’s boyfriend isn’t technically a bad guy, just not your cup of tea, it might be worth it to just suck it up. If you actually think that this person is negatively impacting your best friend’s life, it might be worth talking with her about your concerns. There’s a difference between a toxic boyfriend and a boyfriend you just don’t enjoy being around. And don’t say “I told you so” if they end up breaking up. Celebrating her loss is not supportive. Your friend might acknowledge later on that she recognizes the flaws that you saw before she did, but until then, try to just be a good shoulder to cry on.

Understand that it’s going to be boring for you when your best friend falls in love. That’s just the way it works. You won’t be included in their happy relationship and until you’re in one yourself, you won’t understand why they act the way they do. You’re going to think that she’s being distant and is losing interest in your friendship but I promise you that isn’t the case. This is a new and exciting phase in her life, and it may feel like you’re getting left behind but remember that you’re just as important as the guy she’s with, even if it doesn’t always feel that way.

Mary Shanahan

Wilfrid Laurier '21

Mary is a fourth-year English student at Wilfrid Laurier University.