Oh, Valentine’s Day. The day of cute little heart-shaped candies, flowers from someone special and wholesome crushes. Growing up, this was my favourite holiday. I vividly remember prepping for Valentine’s Day in elementary school by spending hours writing on Barbie or Littlest Pet Shop-themed cards that I’d hand-chosen from Walmart weeks prior. I put stickers on the people’s cards I liked and an extra sticker on the cards for the ones I really liked. It was always such a harmless, fun little game I played (and perhaps slightly toxic). Nonetheless, while Valentine’s Day and the whole ‘love’ thing is still a fun little game I try to dabble in every once in a while, I surely don’t have the same feelings about this day that I did in the second grade.
I think that when I thought of love as a little girl, I assumed that it wouldn’t be this whole ordeal of nerves, heartbreak and trauma?!?… Safe to say I was in for a rude awakening. To be completely honest, I’d always been (respectfully) a little boy crazy, but at most times kept it to myself. I’ve always been fascinated with finding that person who just understands you and wants to spend their time loving you. Humbly, when the “boy crazy” daydreaming started turning into real-life interactions, I was underwhelmed, to say the least. Through learning the ins and outs of the boy world (or so I thought), the one thing that made me sparkle inside, shallowly enough, was those cheesy Valentine’s Day gestures. Now that I’ve come to terms with the fact that I’m ‘high maintenance’ (whatever that means…), or rather, have high standards, I’ve learned that ‘just because flowers’ from a boy you’re not dating yet isn’t a thing anymore and heaven forbid someone asks you on a proper date, not over social media. I’ve learned that perhaps this isn’t a case of being ‘high maintenance,’ as some would say, but simply expecting the bare minimum (I’ll save that conversation for another article).
The little things I once romanticized about receiving just didn’t seem achievable anymore. I think that’s why the warm romantic heart I once had as a little girl has turned a bit cold. Love’s such an interesting thing to me, a thing that I think a lot of our generation has not wholeheartedly experienced (in a romantic sense). Despite this, I feel like I’ve grown to experience love in so many ways other than the traditional romantic relationship that I’d engraved in my brain for so long. Before giving or projecting any type of love onto others, I quickly learned that it’s impossible to love somebody else if you don’t love yourself (said best by RuPaul). Arguably, the best love you can give is to yourself. While having moments of self-deprecation, as the average teenage girl does, we must agree that it’s time to lose that negative part of yourself and learn to respect and love the only person in your life that you can’t cut out. You’re stuck with yourself for the rest of your life, so it’s easier on yourself to morph into someone you like and someone who you’re happy to be rather than trying to search for someone to love and fix you to make you feel whole.
For me, family love has always been inevitable, which is a privilege, to say the least. Still, I think a more universal type of love that everyone can achieve is love from friendships. Growing up, I’d always been blessed with great friends. The girls I’ve surrounded myself with since I was thirteen and fourteen are still my best friends guiding me into my twenties. While I realize that it’s rare to find a group of friends that stick by your side through elementary school, high school and into university, I feel that there’s no time limit when it comes to having loving and mutually beneficial friendships. Coming to university, while still keeping in touch with my friends of 6+ years, I’ve also met people that I’ve known for less than two years who feel like family. I’ve never really been one to say, “We’ve been friends forever,” to define what a good friend is. To me, whether you’ve known them for ten years or ten months, the people who love you unconditionally will stick around and you’ll feel yourself no longer searching for your stereotypical definition of ‘feeling loved’ when you already feel the constant support and care from your friends. Love is such an underutilized term when it comes to friendship and I think that now, more than ever, while embracing young adulthood, I want to make sure my friends feel my love as much as I feel theirs. And, after all, you need your bridesmaids before you need your groom.
Peace & Love,
Gracee