Ask Mik: Long Distance or Nah?

Hi Mik,

I've been seeing a guy here at school for quite sometime now and I think he's a great guy. I would like to continuing seeing him into the summer, especially since we don't live that far from each other! I'm not exactly sure how to bring up this conversation without scaring him into thinking I want to marry him, but he's a really great guy and I'm just not sure how to bring up a conversation like this or what to say!

If you two have been seeing each other for some time now, then he’s probably wondering the same thing too! I think it would be best to have an open and honest conversation with him about what you’re thinking, and to see how he’s feeling. I’m going to assume that you two are exclusive since you have been seeing each other for a while, so here’s a few conversation starters I whipped up to get you started:

1. “The past *insert amount of time together* has been really fun, so I was just wondering how you felt, and if you’re open to it I was thinking we could try long distance?”

2. “So, I know we’ve been seeing each other for a while, and I was just wondering where you’re at and if you’re open to continuing to see each other in the summer?”

Try not to put too much pressure on the conversation; rather, just an open and casual chat so you don’t feel like you’ll be scaring him off (and if he is “scared off” then you don’t need him! #bye).

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Hey Mik!

So, I just started dating a guy this term and we will both be graduating soon, and I'm not sure this relationship will work once school is over. I'm going to be extremely busy with work and I don't see us being able to get together much since we live about an hour apart. Plus, there is also a guy back home who I'm sort of interested in… but, my boyfriend really wants to make this work and I feel bad just giving up on it. Should I see how things go in the summer or end things now if I'm already thinking this? Thanks for your help!

It sounds like you’ve already made up your mind on what you want to do. It would be better for both of you to end things now rather than try to do a long distance relationship that you know will not end up working out. Also, if you were truly happy and excited in the relationship you have with your current beau, you wouldn’t be thinking about the hottie you could potentially get with at home.

My advice is to end things here, because it wouldn’t be fair to your guy to continue to date him knowing: A) that you don’t really want to do long distance; and B) that there could potentially be someone else, because you’ll just end up hurting him.

Best of luck!

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Hey Mik,

Got a little situation over here… I've been dating this guy since the beginning of the school year, but I'm really worried about after graduation because we live four hours apart from each other. He has also brought it to my attention that he is not interested in doing long distance and wants me to move in to his new place when we finish school, but I know my parents would never be cool with me doing that. If he isn't interested in long distance, should I end things now if I know I won't be able to move in with him or should I try to convince him to try long distance?

I think you first step is to figure out your true feelings for him; do you want to keep dating him, and more importantly do YOU want to do long distance with him, because it shouldn’t be solely his choice.

Secondly, there should be no convincing in a relationship besides in pizza topping negotiations, so if you feel that you would have to convince him to try long distance, is it really worth it? Also, if someone truly wanted to be with you, they would do anything they could to make it work, and not give you an unfair ultimatum.

Lastly, when it comes to moving in with him, do you want to? If you’re graduating university you’re likely either 21 or 22 years old… that means you’re an adult who can make their own choices. Obviously your parents are looking out for you as good parents do, but if moving in with him is what you want to do and you think you can make it work, then it’s an option worth exploring. #adulting