It can be difficult to recognize the signs of an unhealthy relationship, even when others try to point them out to you. Though it may seem like your significant other is only doing these things out of love, there is no excuse for someone to treat you poorly. Here are 10 signs that may indicate that you are in an unhealthy relationship.
1. They Constantly Point Out Your Insecurities
A person that you are in a relationship with is most likely well aware of your insecurities and what makes you feel self-conscious. It can be assumed that someone you are in a happy relationship with understands these insecurities and helps you work through them. HOWEVER, someone who you care about also has the power to bring you down in seconds. They may do this because they themselves are insecure, or they want you to feel like they are your only romantic option. Someone who truly cares about you will never try to make you feel self-conscious or uncomfortable and will not prey on your weaknesses.
2. Controlling Your Social Life
Someone constantly going through your phone, checking your text messages, and monitoring your social media is seriously invading your privacy. Similarly, it isn’t okay for someone to tell you who you are allowed to hang out with. One of the most important foundations of a relationship is TRUST. If your partner doesn’t trust you, the relationship is never going to work out.
3. Derogatory Language
It’s extremely disrespectful for anyone to call you a nasty name to your face or online, but it’s even worse when it comes from someone you care about. Everyone’s relationship is unique, and maybe your niche is JOKINGLY calling your partner a d*ck once and a while. BUT, being called a b*tch (in a serious manner) by someone who cares about you makes it seem like they don’t actually care about you.
4. Threats
I cannot tell you the number of times I’ve heard the phrases “If you don’t tell me what _______ said I’m breaking up with you,” or “If you don’t do _________ for me that means you don’t really love me.” These phrases are extremely manipulative. Threats that also include physical consequences, such as harm to you or themselves, are VERY serious and should not be taken lightly – please talk to someone if this is ever the case.
5. Constant Apologies
Promising that something won’t happen again is one thing, but after it happens again for the second, third, sixth, and tenth time…it might be time to accept that the person isn’t going to change their ways and they are not worth your precious time. It’s important to note that constantly being showered with gifts is not an apology. It isn’t okay to buy back someone’s forgiveness.
6. Waiting for the “Last Straw”
At this point you know things aren’t going well, but you’re scared of leaving the person for whatever reason – trust me, I’ve been there. You’re waiting for the person to do something so over the top that you can see that they truly aren’t the one for you. My advice is to not let it get to the point.
7. Blaming You for Their Failures
A good relationship involves both parties building one another up and overcoming challenges together, NOT blaming one other for their failures.
8. Ups and Downs
Things might go really well half the time, and SUCK the rest of the time. This can be emotionally exhausting. Is that really worth it?
9. Hurting the Things Around You
Disrespecting your friends, family, belongings, and more crosses a line. I have seen people break their partner’s personal items, lash out, and assault people in order to take out their anger over a simple confrontation. If your partner respects you, they should respect the things and people around you as well.
10. Hurting You
If your partner is physically abusing you PLEASE seek help. You deserve so much more. Someone is always willing to listen.
I am not trying to tell you how to conduct your personal relationships, but always keep an eye out for red flags. Don’t ever feel like you are trapped in a relationship that you want to get out of. Remember that there are always plenty of fish in the sea and that there is someone out there for everyone!
Resources for more information and help:
http://vswr.ca/domestic-violence/
http://www.wwhealthline.ca/listServices.aspx?id=10669®ion=Kitchener
Assaulted Women’s Helpline
1-866-863-0511 (toll-free)
1-866-863-7868
416-863-0511 (Toronto)