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The Weird, the Dirty, and the Facepalm: Crazy Sex Stories

1.Too Strong Sammy

“One guy was trying to be all romantic (but was a bit too strong), he picked me up and walked me to the bedroom. In an act of trying to sweep me away, he “gingerly” threw me onto the bed but what occurred was not nearly as sexy as he was trying to be. Instead of being romantically deposited onto the bed, the big strong man threw me into the wall on the other side of the room where I smashed my head on the wall and came sliding down in a heap. Mood ruined.”


2. Furry Anal Adam

“I was having sex with this guy, and right at his “moment of completion,” my cat had jumped on the bed. While he was groaning, instead, came out,”ARGHH YOUR CAT’S TAIL IS IN MY ASS”… EXACTLY at the same time as he was cumming.” Memorable.


3. Nose Ring Nathan

“I have my nose pierced. That’s how all good stories start, I think? One day I was having sex (me on top) and things got really heated. My nose ring got caught on the bed sheets and ripped out. The pain was excruciating and I blacked out because it hurt a freaking lot. That was the mood killer of the century.”

4. Elbow’s Deep Earl

My first time with this guy was incredibly memorable. Both of us not having a clue what was what appendage (just kidding, sort of), anyway, the condom got waaaaayyy stuck all up in my funny business after the deed was done. Not quite sure what to do, he started to frantically Google our next move and I laid there, legs up over my ears as he hunted for god knows what in my treasure chest. Finally, we ended up – me in the birthing position and him elbow deep in my vagina searching for the condom.”

5. The Wanton Window of Walter

I was in the middle of having sex with this guy (it was about 3am during O-Week 2 years ago) and his mom came home. In a moment of panic he said ‘Oh shit you gotta go! She can’t know you’re here!’ To make matters worse, his room was on the main floor. Unsure of what to do, I stood there like a deer in headlights. Then he opened his window and said ‘Jump I’ll meet you outside,’ but before I could say anything he threw my clothes out the window! He ushered me out the window, so my bare naked ass climbed out and jumped into the bushes. Luckily I landed.”

6. Hot and Cold Hans

One time this guys mom came home in the middle of business and he was wearing one of those ‘hot and cold condoms,’ as we were trying to spice things up. He threw on his pants and left on the condom (why? ). He went to go talk to his mother fully erect, kind of like the scene from ‘Anchorman’ when Ron Burgundy tries to have a normal conversation with Veronica Corningstone. Anyway, when the condom turned hot (it turned WAY too hot), his face went purple and he turned away from her running and screaming back to the bedroom. He ripped off his pants and the condom all the while screaming his head off.”

7. Concussion Master Craig

 “At one point in my high school career, I was hooking up with my ex-boyfriend and snuck over to his place one night. During my sexcapades I hit my head on the back of his bed really hard. It hurt a lot but it wasn’t until I had walked back to my place and gone to the washroom that I noticed my head was bleeding. It turned out I got a full on concussion. #pornstarstatus ”

8. Momma’s Boy Martin

This guy and I were having sex outside on his backyard patio, ‘cause when in Rome, right? He was literally mid thrust, with his ass in the air, when who would open the door but his mother! She gasped and said ‘I thought you were a robber,’ and silently crept back inside. I died.”

9. Ooey Gooey Gary

One time, I got a yeast infection and took a Canesten Vaginal Tablet. The package tells you not to have sex for a few days, but naturally I didn’t listen. So I was having sex with my ex-boyfriend and the melted form of the pill came (literally) pouring out of my vagina. My ex thought he had made me cum (HA), needless to say we were both confused for a good 10 minutes. Next time I will listen to the instructions.”


10. Tommy Taxi

I had sex in a taxi. The driver definitely noticed. Cause why not?”

11. Mountain Goat Matthew

I was going for a little nature walk with my ex and the scenery was just too arousing. When we got to the top of the mountain we were looking for a good place to hookup. To set the scene, there were no bushy trees to hide behind in the alpine, just a clear trail. Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do. With a quick look around we didn’t see any other hikers. I ended up dropping trou near the top of the mountain and gettin’ er done. After a couple minutes, a family of four came around the bend to witness our shenanigans. I didn’t know what to do so a pretended to fall down and hid.”

12. Security Guard Steve

I was having sex with this guy in my car in the rooftop parking lot of a Sears, the steamiest of all locations. When we were done we tried to drive away … unfortunately they had closed the gates and we were locked up there. I had to call the security company to come and let us out. Not my finest moment!”

13. Not So Clever Carl

“After I had sex with this guy for the first time I said, ‘I better take your ass to Red Lobster, cause you sure f**ked me good.’ He didn’t get the reference.”

This is the contributor account for Her Campus Western. 
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