Human beings are social. There is no doubt about that statement – it is a known fact. Ever since we are born, we require social interaction in order to function, such as being nurtured, learning how to speak, learning how to eat, and a plethora of other things. These social interactions with our caregivers are necessary for our neurobiological development. As we move through adolescence we begin making more meaningful bonds. We start making friends, procuring deeper bonds with our siblings or parents, and find ourselves having romantic feelings which can lead to intimate relationships with others. These bonds are what get us through the ups and downs in our lives. It is natural for us to turn to our loved ones for support, advice, and comfort. Needless to say, social interaction is a necessary part of the human experience.
While I was thinking about social interactions and close bonds, I found myself wondering how we maintain these relationships. Of course, it can be easy to enjoy the company of others, but there is a degree to which our relationships require maintenance in order to progress. In fact, the International Encyclopedia of Interpersonal Communication states that “maintenance behaviors help sustain (and perhaps increase) desired relationship characteristics such as commitment, satisfaction, liking the partner, loving the partner, and others. Without such characteristics, close relationships are vacant of what most people value in long-term relationships.”
With this in mind, I started thinking about the relationships I currently hold in my own life. How did I work to maintain these connections? How did my loved ones work to stay connected with me, as well as others in their lives? To get the answers I was looking for, I asked them myself. I asked my mom how she fosters her relationships with her kids, her husband, and her friends. I asked my boyfriend what he believes is necessary for maintaining our relationship. I also asked my close friends how they stay connected with each other and their significant others. With that, I compiled a list of ways, from several perspectives, about how individuals foster their close relationships.
Starting with friendships, a common consensus was that it is important to be present. Noticing the little things with your friends can go a long way. Being dedicated to the relationship, meaning checking in on your friends weekly, can help maintain a long-lasting friendship. Accepting your friends for who they are without judgement, or at the very least being able to make judgements without hurting their feelings: being sensitive is very important. Communication is also essential; being a good listener, giving good advice when asked, and expressing yourself and your feelings. Through these perspectives, I saw how others foster their close friendships became much clearer and I found myself relating to a lot of what was said.
Moving on to romantic relationships, the best way to convey these perspectives is to discuss how each person I asked fosters their relationship with their partner. To start, I had a conversation with my boyfriend about what he thinks is important in order to maintain our relationship. We talked about the importance of being able to set boundaries for yourself while also respecting your partner’s boundaries. Having empathy for each other means putting yourself in the other person’s shoes, even if you don’t want to or find it difficult. Giving reassurance, which means saying or doing things every day that conveys to your partner that you love them even on a very small scale.
Along with this, a close friend also gave interesting insight into how she fosters her relationship with her boyfriend. She suggested being intuitive, meaning reading the room and understanding your partner’s past or opinions to avoid putting either party in an uncomfortable or unwanted position. It is important to be understanding and honest about each other’s past and be loyal in good times as well as bad. She also tries to stay in her feminine role by not taking total control, never being dismissive, always trying to be supportive and nurturing while also being soft and calm in how she speaks.
While these people both gave me interesting insight, a key figure I wanted to hear from was my mom. She and my dad have been married for 27 years and together for 35. I wanted to know what she felt contributed to the longevity of her relationship. She explained that she does her best to be a “good partner in raising our children, nurturing our home, family, business, and relationship.” She also pointed to understanding your partner’s point of view without getting offended, which might not always happen, but it is still important to try your best. Further, she explained it is important to let your partner grow, evolve, and be their own person while still remaining a unit – you want to encourage your partner to be the best version of themselves. Along with these practices, prioritizing making the time to connect each day, paying attention to their likes and dislikes, and communicating are crucial factors.
The most significant theme I found in the analysis of these different perspectives on fostering relationships was prioritizing communication in all shapes and forms. In every kind of relationship, whether you have just begun seeing someone or you’ve been married for many years, communication, along with comprehension, seem to be quite important factors in maintaining romantic relationships.
Finally, I thought it would be interesting to share how a mother maintains her relationship with her children. Of course, I asked my mom how she fosters her relationship with her children. She expressed that she is always “making sure my kids have basic necessities. Always giving advice, whether warranted or not. Being a space they can come to, but that doesn’t mean I won’t tell them what they don’t want to hear if I think that is what is best for them.” She explained that she is “always doing the little things that make them happy, while also raising them to be the best version of themselves and giving them the tools to navigate the world.” Essentially, it seems as though this perspective of maintaining relationships with children prioritizes nurture and guidance.
With these different approaches in mind, I gained some new insight from each person regarding the different types of relationships they keep. While I’m sure some of these opinions and views can be generalized, it is without question that there are other practices that people do to maintain their relationships. We know that human beings are social and that social relationships require maintenance. Yet, what I can say is that it is very insightful to see that the ways people foster their close relationships are different, yet so similar.