PISCES (Feb 20th – Mar 20th)
WHERE TO GO THIS MONTH: Jack’s – Monday
WHAT TO DO: Wear that new outfit you’ve been nervous to wear (Ex. fur vest, leather pants). Don’t be afraid of fashion… fashion isn’t afraid of you (Unless you still think Hollister is “fashion”).
WHAT NOT TO DO: Accidentally drunk text something this to your mom, “GOING HOME WITH A CHRISTIAAAAN GREY LOOK-A-LIKE! LEAVE THE WHIP OUT. LOL!!! LATERZ BABYYYYYY.” Needless to say, just be careful with mixing up texts this month… and always.
ARIES (Mar 21st – Apr 19th)
WHERE TO GO THIS MONTH: The Ceeps – Thursday
WHAT TO DO: Stay organized this month. Collect some lose change around the house for splitting cabs and coat check. You also need to plan ahead for when you would like to leave your pre-drink; you don’t want to wait in that line.
WHAT NOT TO DO: It’s hella cold out and there’s nothing hot about the shaking purple girl in the short skirt. Bring your jacket; coat check is like 3 dollars, you’ll get over it. However, do sweetly complain about your chilly hands – because you never know whom you’ll meet in line if you get stuck there.
TAURUS (Apr 20th – May 20th)
WHERE TO GO THIS MONTH: The Barking Frog – Friday
WHAT TO DO: Meet new people this month. Head up to the Atrium (yes there is another level to Frog) to find some great music/ some singles looking to party and spoil you with drinks. The more open you’re willing to be, the more chances you will you have at meeting interesting people who also want to have a great time.
WHAT NOT TO DO: Drink too many jager-bombs…. and fall down millions of stairs… You know what, maybe you should just wear flats… not that I’m speaking from experience…
GEMINI (May 21st – Jun 21st)
WHERE TO GO THIS MONTH: Factory – Friday
WHAT TO DO: Look out for your friends. Go home with your girlfriends and don’t leave any of them behind. The week may be over, but make sure you touch base concerning everyone’s whereabouts. Don’t let Sally go home with the sketchy “promoter” she half met on tinder. Don’t leave Becky crying in the bathroom over the stain in her dress. Be the mom this month… they need it.
WHAT NOT TO DO: “C*ck-block” Sally and go home with the promoter yourself… You’re in need of a good sleep and a regret-less Saturday morning. Your friends will all thank you for looking out for them later.
CANCER (Jun 22nd – July 23rd)
WHERE TO GO THIS MONTH: JBR’s – Wednesday
WHAT TO DO: Keep track of yourself and your belongings this month. Either don’t bring your phone out or wear a purse that has a safety lock on it. JBR’s is a Bermuda triangle for iPhones especially… never to be seen again.
WHAT NOT TO DO: Get too drunk and fall off the stage. I know you may love to show off your moves while making eye contact with the hottie across the bar, but a broken arm isn’t ideal for midterms (or a hot hook-up). Be safe and keep your feet on the ground – literally.
LEO (July 24th –Aug 23)
WHERE TO GO THIS MONTH: Stay in.
WHAT TO DO: Take care of yourself this month. Make some cupcakes, pour yourself some wine, and indulge in endless episodes of Grey’s Anatomy on Netflix. You deserve a ME night (or more than one).
WHAT NOT TO DO: Get lonely and think about how single you are. Once the tears start they can be really hard to stop. Be single and keep your cool, because being single is cool. You are cool. And independent. Stop crying.
VIRGO (Aug 24th -Sept 22nd)
WHERE TO GO THIS MONTH: Cobra – Thursday
WHAT TO DO: Don’t make quick decisions – think things through. Leave your phone at home so that you won’t take down the number of the Ivey douchebag you let grind on you for a bit on the d-floor.
WHAT NOT TO DO: Punch your Ex in the back of the head at the bar and walk away. That never goes well… No matter how confident you may feel in the moment. Don’t text him either. Or answer his drunken texts. Let me repeat – don’t bring your phone.
LIBRA (Sept 23rd – Oct 22nd)
WHERE TO GO THIS MONTH: Rick McGee’s – Wednesday
WHAT TO DO: Celebrate being a Western Student this month. Involve yourself in some fun evens and experience Rick @ The Spoke if you haven’t before. You can treat yourself to a few too many beers and sing your heart out with Western’s greatest talent.
WHAT NOT TO DO: Decide to try and get your “Around the World” shirt in one night. You’ll projectile vomit on Rick… and no one ever disrespects Rick. All of Eng (*Engineer Students LOVE Rick) will quickly turn against you… and put your car on the roof of your house… or worse.
SCORPIO (Oct 23rd-Nov 22nd)
WHERE TO GO THIS MONTH: Your crushes house – Tuesday
WHAT TO DO: Take control. Calm your nerves and make the first move by texting your crush saying something confident like, “You’re hanging out with me tonight”. Being assertive will do you well this month. If you know what you want, ask for it. Nobody got time for games.
WHAT NOT TO DO: Get mad if they already have plans and can’t hang out that night. Keep your cool and suggest you make plans for later in the week. Stay understanding, they didn’t reject you, they just have a life (and that’s a good thing).
SAGITTARIUS (Nov 23rd – Dec 20th)
WHERE TO GO THIS MONTH: Gatsby – Friday
WHAT TO DO: Be that girl this month. Make-out with someone you just met. Go for it, get a little wild. Everyone needs to let loose sometimes and tonight is your night. It’s OK.
WHAT NOT TO DO: Go home with someone just because you’re thriving off some spontaneity. You’re allowed to make out with someone and go home by yourself, leaving him or her wanting more – sometimes that’s more fun anyways.
CAPRICORN (Dec 22nd – Jan 20th)
WHERE TO GO THIS MONTH: Factory – Saturday
WHAT TO DO: Own it this month. Wear your favourite outfit. Tonight is all about looking and feeling your best. The more confident you are, the sexier you will be perceived. Don’t be afraid to be silly and dance like a Much Music video girl with your friends to Anaconda, you’ll have all eyes on you.
WHAT NOT TO DO: Drop it so low you end up sitting on the ground (which may or may not be layered with tar – says my shoes)
AQUARIUS (Jan 21st- Feb 19th)
WHERE TO GO THIS MONTH: Out for dinner – Always
WHAT TO DO: Be thankful this month. Share some drinks and food with your friends. University isn’t just about going out to bars, it’s about the relationships you form and the friends you meet. Take advantage of these years and spend some time actually having conversations – the people around you will surprise you in the best of ways.
WHAT NOT TO DO: Get so drunk off wine that you all start crying about how much you love each other in the middle of Jack Astor’s. You know what… forget that, just let it out girl.