“Women’s friendships are like a renewable source of power.” -Jane Fonda
Growing up I was always more of a tomboy, and part of me still feels like I am deep down. I was always drawn to doing things with my older brother and cousin, whether that’d be playing certain sports, watching action movies, or even looking for bugs in my backyard. The point being, I enjoyed the company of boys rather than girls for a good portion of my early life. Even at 20, there are times where I feel “less feminine” than other women, whether they’re an influencer or someone that I have a class with. There are days when I wish that I was more dainty, or that my shoulders were less broad, or that my personality was toned down. As alone as I may feel at times, I’m not. When our phones are away, and when the cameras are off–you will come to realize how many women are just as insecure and confused as you are. This undeniable truth is what has allowed me to better understand how important female friendships are. After I had to move high schools my senior year, I was finally able to find a great group of girls at 18 years old. In the short time that we’ve known each other, we have all grown so much already. I believe that everyone should find it in themselves to build reliable, loving female friendships; they personally have changed my life for the better.
However, it can be difficult to maintain friendships. You and someone else may grow apart over time. The first major friendship “break-up” I experienced was in my sophomore year of high school, and it was nothing less than brutal. After being close with this girl for almost ten years, the fact that we had to go our separate ways still devastates me. I still think about her from time to time. It took me a while to open myself up fully again to people without of the fear of being hurt; and it wasn’t until I had already known and was close with my current group of friends that I realized that I was slowly healing. For the first time in a long time, I felt like myself again. I believe that it is important to find people who are adventurous and are willing to be as fun staying in as they are going out. Once you’re in college, it can feel as if you have to be super serious all the time, when in actuality you’re still so young. It wasn’t until I was 18 years old when I felt a wonder reminiscent of my childhood. After working my first shift at my summer full time job, I called up my one girlfriend, exhausted, asking her if she wanted to run and get ice cream on the boardwalk. Without even a hint of hesitation she agreed and told me to leave to pick her up in 20 minutes. When we got our ice cream, we didn’t once discuss the trials and tribulations of working a 9-5, life after high school, boys, or anything else–we just ate in silence for a while and enjoyed the thick breeze of the night.
Then there was the winter break after everyone’s first semester of college. My hometown friends and I had all been home for the month and were sharing all of our new experiences and rekindling old ones. Although no one mentioned it, I could tell that we all knew that we were changing in some way. We were getting (or losing) boyfriends, joining clubs, making other friends, and learning to navigate our newly-granted independence. This first reunion made me sad as well, and to this day I’m not so sure why. All I remember is suddenly feeling like I was six years old again and scared that I was going to be alienated by a group of girls that I looked up to. Quickly I was brought back to reality when I was asked if I wanted, you guessed it, to drive to the nearest Wawa and get a tub of ice cream to share.
You and your friends are naturally going to change and differ on some spectrum, what matters is that they love you regardless of your differences. As much as you and your closest friends may share music tastes or favorite coffee orders–there’ll be times when you differ on what men they will go on to date or what internship they decide to pick. Already I am seeing some differences in my girlfriends, and as much as they may possibly frighten me, I cannot be happier for them. My one girlfriend who is out in California is thinking about staying in the summer for a research opportunity, and although there is that part of me that wants to say to her what are you crazy? You don’t want to see me? I know how important this is to her and that she needs to do what’s best for her at this moment. The thing with women is, yes, we can get jealous over the little things, but what separates girls from women is how we handle this jealousy. As women we cannot let this jealousy get the best of us and hurt the ones we love.
I have lost a good amount of female friendships in college as well because of things like jealousy or manipulation. There have been times where these losses have made me want to isolate myself like I would years ago. But then I would remember why I love female friendship in the first place. I would remember the beauty of staying up way too late talking about a cute boy someone was newly talking to, or making pinterest boards for the weddings we hoped of having one day, or, especially, I would remember about all the ice cream dates that I had in store for me. I am so grateful for finding a good group of girls. All college students should set out on finding the right people, so you can too find out new things about yourself.