Pride and Prejudice and Zombies: A Retrospective of the Clumsy Meet Between the Regency Era and Horror (and Also Really Hot Sword Withdrawals)
“Alexis,” you say, and because I am starved for an outlet to express my opinions, you immediately grab my attention.
“Recommend me a movie,” you continue, and my head starts spinning, but not because I don’t know which movie it will be — trust me, I do, but because I can’t wait to tell you.
“Guess,” I say, because I am able to put aside my immediate gratification for the sake of a fun game.
You might be thinking it’s a modern classic like The Social Network, which last year, due to what the cultural arena had dubbed an ‘Andrew Garfield Renaissance,’ experienced a sort of revival on TikTok. That one scene where Garfield’s character, Eduardo Saverin, smashes Mark Zuckerberg’s (played by Jesse Eisenberg) laptop awakened something within the touch starved and socially isolated population. Apparently, young people want Garfield not to smash their laptop on a desk, but on their physical bodies. He also does a really cool walk (he’s pumping his arms and everything; he’s a real power walker in the making) leading up to the aforementioned laptop smashing that has been edited to Doja Cat’s entire discography — talk about worlds colliding. But you’d be wrong.
You may think I’d recommend something like The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou, which my one friend refers to as ‘that submarine movie,’ and not in a cute, nickname-esque way, but with a tone indicating dread and fear, as if she can’t imagine the horrors she’d witness if I made her watch it. But you’d be wrong again. And I’d be forced to start wondering how much effort you’re putting into the game.
Eventually, I’d succumb to my own desire to hear my voice again and would tell you to watch the critical failure and box office bomb, Pride and Prejudice and Zombies, a retelling of the Jane Austen novel, Pride and Prejudice, but with zombies.
Now, I adore this movie. I distinctly remember the first time I watched it; I left that movie theater thinking I had just watched what critics and audiences alike were undoubtedly hailing as the next Citizen Kane. It was to my surprise then, after taking a cursory glance at what others had been saying about the movie, people didn’t love it. The tone was inconsistent. The action sequences were lacking. The Darcy was just kinda meh (which, yeah, he was). This did not deter me, if anything it emboldened me. I was a lover scorned by those meant to review movies. I had become a hard-core Pride and Prejudice and Zombie-truther. My adamance and determination put QAnon believers to shame. I was invincible. And by invincible I mean I forced my friends to watch it with me at sleepovers.
Is this an infallible movie? No. Even with my widest-eyes and during the cloudiest moments of my immediate post-movie haze, I had my qualms with the film. I was not going to fly directly into the sun, but rather take several elongated and word-y turns to meet my fiery death. PPZ, however, is a hilarious watch and one I highly recommend. So without further ado, let’s discuss this meet-up between a Regency era romance and zombies.
The Mr. Collins
Matt Smith, former Dr. Who, Tumblr icon, and apparent sex god (have you seen “House of the Dragon”?) plays one of the dorkiest characters in all of literature. And he pulls it off! Setting aside Morbius, in which he performs one of the most eye-bleach-inducing dance sequences half-naked, I think this is his best performance at playing a wholly unattractive person. He fully commits to the character; when Charlotte reveals she intends to marry Mr. Collins (L in the chat for Charlotte), Smith’s Matt Smith-yness doesn’t peek through and ruins the portrayal. I’m not like: “Yes, Charlotte, an absolute win all around. What a husband you’ve scored.” I grieve over her remaining life, knowing she will be forever attached to a giant ball and chain that will not shut up about the esteemed patronage of Lady Catherine de Brough. Do you get what I’m saying? Collins often serves as the comedic relief in the film, but I do not find myself laughing with him, rather at him because he’s horrible and makes my eye twitch whenever he’s on screen. I know there will be some naysayers out there, who’ll say “It’s acting. That’s what he’s supposed to do.” But, I find it nonetheless impressive Smith could reign in his attractiveness and seemingly innate charm for the role. Also, the portrayal itself is just great. Seriously, one of my favorites. The qualms I have with the middling Darcy are somewhat amended by Matt Smith’s Mr. Collins.
The Fight Sequences
Some of the hits, whether it be hand or sword, could have hit harder. I didn’t always feel the impact, sometimes they were too light, like they felt a tad fake. I just wanted to address that before I tell you how much I loved a majority of them.
Let me set the stage, we’re at a ball (the one where Darcy calls Elizabeth tolerable) and then zombies attack. The Bennet sisters re-enter the ballroom in slow motion with their swords and various pipes, absolutely cracking away at the zombies flooding the ballroom. They’re doing light acrobatics and dramatically revealing the knives hidden away in their garters (my friends and I wished we could have done the same). It’s perfection in a single sequence.
Another one of my favorites is during a confrontation with Elizabeth and Darcy. It’s the scene where Darcy shows everyone how to not to propose: label the person’s family as an embarrassment because their mother’s annoying and their poor (L again), admit to feeling a deep sense of shame for feeling attracted to someone who’s so poor, and ask to marry them because if you marry them, they will no longer be poor (a win), and you will no longer feel ashamed. Now, this proposal, already a train wreck, is worsened by the fact that Darcy has just told his friend, Bingley, to not pursue Elizabeth’s older sister, Jane, out of concern Jane may only be marrying him for his wealth (she was not). Elizabeth knows this. What ensues is a very sexually charged impromptu battle between the two. Fire pokers are cutting open bodices, books are hurled, one character pins the other down, and several seconds long stares occur. It’s very cool.
The Ending
Wickham, surprise, surprise, is still the villain in this version and he’s secretly a zombie. But that’s not the entire twist, he actually has a whole army of “civilized zombies,” who feast on pig brains rather than human’s, and plans to use the army to fulfill his goal of becoming head of state and then presumably will continue to perpetuate ne’er-do-well culture by committing crimes of various degrees while on the throne. This culminates in a fight between Darcy, Elizabeth, and Wickham, and to prevent Wickham’s army from crossing over a bridge and into London, the human army blows up said bridge. Darcy is injured in the explosion and looks like he may die (which he won’t, let’s be serious here), but wakes up right after Elizabeth admits her love for him. They then have a double wedding with Bingley and Jane, which is officiated by Mr. Collins (another win). A lot happens in a short amount of time and some may think this ending cheesy, with the bridge blowing up and Darcy’s perfectly timed return to consciousness. But it’s fun. There are zombies in this universe and we draw the line at accurate medical representations? No, this ending is wonderful and perfectly melodramatic. Also, yeah, I am a sucker for tearful love confessions in the heat of the moment. Sue me. This ending really checks many boxes for me: 1) violence, 2) explosions, and 3) expressions of love from Person A when Person B is presumed to be dead.