Waking up every morning and doing whatever I want, decorating the place how I want to, playing whatever music I want to and having whoever I want over…. It’s the beauty of living alone, being a true independent as some people would say. If you told me three years ago I was going to live alone and love it, I would’ve said you’re crazy. When I was in high school I didn’t have many friends, I was a loner– not by choice. With that, I craved being with my classmates all the time and if I wasn’t, I saw myself as a nobody. These thoughts didn’t help my mental health at all and actually made me switch colleges later on. Now, a year later, I spend about 60% of my time alone, either studying or just needing me-time, and it’s completely changed my view on life and my needs as a person.
How did this change my perspective so harshly?
When I was at my old college, my roommate was an extreme introvert. She was always hanging out with her friends and never in the room if her friends were over. This persuaded my view on life since feeling this way in high school then seeing my roommate doing this in college I felt I had to do the same. She was much more of a talkative person than me and knew how to make friends quickly (not one of my strengths). So, trying to see people every day and balance my schoolwork did not work in my favor, and quickly turned my mental health sour. One time, I walked to Target on my own, and at the crosswalk, I just sat on the curb and cried. I realized my depression caught up with me and all my head was telling me was that I was a nobody and a loser for not having anyone come with me to go to Target. I realized I needed to put my schoolwork on pause and go home.
What is your perspective two years later?
I realized the hard way that I need a reset time, whether that is simply listening to music or just time alone. If not, I’m just overstimulated and in a bad mood. With being alone, I found my sanctuary to be alone with my own thoughts and emotions, and realizing that I can do anything without anyone judging me. Being alone isn’t something to be ashamed of; it gives us needed time to regroup throughout the day and help us learn about ourselves.
How do you spend your time now?
I only have four classes this semester, so it’s easier to maintain my social battery. I actively try to make friends in my classes and with people around to strengthen my conversation skills. Talking in class and with friends in that class does take some of my battery away, but it is easier to bring it back up. After class, I usually will go to a coffee shop or somewhere in public and try to study or take notes from a lecture. This is one of my favorite things to do while recharging, as I am able to listen to music and get things done while not being overstimulated from class. I will try to actively make plans as well to try and force myself out of my dorm. This is the key for living alone. If not, I tend to hibernate and my mental health subsequently goes downhill.
Learning slowly as the years go by, I realized that how many friends you have isn’t a competition. Personally, I can’t keep track of having ten-plus friends, so having a close small circle of friends works just as well. I have known these people for years and I can see them for hours on-end and not be drained leaving. During this journey, my mind and body have been more self aware of my needs and what works for me on a day-to-day basis.