**** Trigger warning; this article talks about sexual harassment and assault, please be advised****
I decided that with the whole Me Too hashtag circulating on every social media platform, that I too should share my experiences in hope that it helps with both my healing process and that it shows that you are not alone when it comes to sexual harassment and sexual assault.
Recently, I attended my first wedding. I decided to get nice and dressed up and chose a dress with a low cut front. Since I’m small chested, nothing was showing that would be flagged by Instagram, so I figured I was in the clear.
Was I wrong.
Maybe 10 minutes into the reception, a man who must have been at least 40 years old looked right at my chest and said to me, “Nice dress”. I said “Thank you” quickly, while avoiding eye contact and made my way back to my seat. As much as I wanted to make a point about how inappropriate that was, my words were frozen, and I figured I should be nice and brush it off since I didn’t want to make a scene.
Later that night, another older man, who I did know prior to the wedding, started coming over and making conversation with me. He even made a comment that I was young enough to be his daughter… funny enough, that did not stop him coming back time and time again towards me to try to talk to me, ask me if i wanted drinks or to dance. I said no to the drinks, but when we both ended up on the dance floor, he somehow he kept finding me and tried dancing with me. I danced with him for a bit, trying to get him off my back. I had no idea how to tell him no when less and less people were on the dance floor and my friend at the wedding kept disappearing, leaving me without my wing woman, and leaving him with more of an opportunity to dance with me and make me uncomfortable with his comments.
I won’t lie, I do have a problem with saying no to men, because they intimidate the shit out of me and because of the society I grew up in. Ever since I’ve been sexually active, I thought I was just supposed to shut up and take it, no matter how uncomfortable I was or how much pain I endured. I hate letting men down, for fear they will get angry with me and potentially get violent. I figure it’s just better, with lewd stares, inappropriate compliments and gestures, to just ignore them or go with it to get it all over with and hope to God that the situation resolves itself quickly.
The next night, I started shaking and I was so confused as to why, until I remembered when I’d felt that way before.
It was my 19th birthday, my friends got me loaded and we ended up at a club, where multiple guys thought they could feel me up and kiss me when I was so drunk I could barely see.
And that’s why I’m writing this.
NO WOMAN SHOULD EVER FEEL AS THOUGH THEY WERE HARASSED OR ASSAULTED AND OBJECTIFIED FOR WHAT THEY WEAR, HOW THEY DANCE AND/OR HOW INEBRIATED THEY ARE.
We, as women, should be able to feel safe wherever we are, and not have to worry about having to keep our wits about us, or about having a friend to pretend to be dating to get someone off them. We should be able to wear whatever we want, no matter the situation, and not be seen as “loose” or “easy” based on what we wear or how we dance and most of all, not have men think they can get away with this disgusting behaviour.
I guess what I’m trying to say is that I was definitely just as traumatized from going out for my 19th birthday as from the wedding I attended… and that is not ok.
Your feelings from unwanted male advances you have experienced are VALID. Sexual harassment and sexual assault is not acceptable behaviour, and if you need help with dealing with PTSD from assault or to make sense with what may have happened to you, please remember that help does exist and to please reach out.
And lastly, if you forget everything I wrote, please just remember, IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT.
HCXO.
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