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Sex + Relationships

If You Want Love But Can’t Seem To Find It, Here’s The Mistake You May Be Making

Before I start, let me just say this: I know I’m not a love expert. In fact, I am still relatively inexperienced when it comes to relationships. However, I do know that there’s one major thing society gets wrong about the journey to love. I’m just here to clear up that misconception so you can all find a happy, long-lasting relationship in the future.

The other day, I was talking to my sister about love; specifically, we were discussing how much of a chance encounter it was that I found love. I was completely blind and it took me too long to realize what I actually wanted, but miraculously, I found love. My sister then asked me a question that I’ve been thinking about nonstop.

“So, do you now believe that phrase, love comes when you’re not looking?” She said.

I thought about it for a bit, then answered confidently, “No.” And however simple my reasoning may be to both my sister and me, there are still so many people sitting idly by, waiting for love to come knocking on their door. But, in the vast majority of cases, that’s not how it works.

You see, in real life, relationships don’t happen like they do in the movies: the nerdy, shy protagonist stumbles upon the popular guy and a beautiful romance effortlessly blossoms just like that. Instead, it takes time and effort for a connection to build, which cannot happen unless both parties are looking and open to improving their connection. Think about it: if you’re not looking when the right person comes along, how are you ever going to notice them? Doesn’t it seem a bit paradoxical to say that love comes when we don’t want it when, really, wanting love is a key ingredient to finding it? 


Pink hearts on black background
Photo by Jude Beck from Unsplash

You may argue that my current situation seems like one in which love found me when I wasn’t looking. Well, to that, I’ll point out that the whole reason why I found love was because I started looking (for friendships, that is). I branched out of my friend group and met some great people, one of whom became my boyfriend a few months later. Even though it was him who took the step to build our friendship into something more, I was still the one who sought him out initially. Had I not looked for new friends, we wouldn’t be together. Maybe I wasn’t necessarily looking for love, but I was still putting in effort to make new connections, which is all that matters.

As long as you’re meeting new people, putting yourself out there, and keeping an open mind, anything can happen. But if you just sit and do nothing, waiting for love to show up out of nowhere, it won’t happen. If you want to find romance, admit it to yourself and be on your way — introduce yourself to new people and actively try to build some new connections. I know it doesn’t always work, but if you’re serious about your intentions, you can even join a dating app. Learn what method works for you, and go for it!

Now that you’ve decided you’re going to start looking for love, I want to stress this: don’t be scared of judgement or rejection. Every experience, wherever it goes, will help you learn and improve for the future. Seeing someone put effort into any kind of relationship is admirable, and won’t provoke judgement. Remember that if it doesn’t work out, that doesn’t mean you’re doomed — it just means that they weren’t the right person for you. And as long as you persevere, you’ll accomplish your goal.

The point I’d like to get across here is that it’s up to you to start your own path to finding love. Start looking! I know COVID times are weird, but if you just put in a bit more effort when the pandemic starts winding down, you’ll be on your way to a movie-esque romance.

Hey! I'm a third-year Global Business & Digital Arts student at the University of Waterloo, a National Writer for Her Campus, and the Editor-in-Chief for HC Waterloo. When I'm not writing, you'll probably find me reading the newest Taylor Jenkins Reid book, watching The Office, or eating pizza.
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