People dream about it and sometimes even envy it. You often hear sweet stories and you wish you could have that. There are many things that potential young soul mates do not tell you about. Nobody tells you how hard it is as it continually involves a lot of effort from both parties. They may tell you their experiences, but you are unlikely to feel what they have personally gone through until you have felt it yourself. I had this experience with my high school sweetheart, and I can certainly say that being in a relationship for over 4 years was not easy.
Here are some of the difficulties of having a long-term relationship, especially while being young.
1. Maintaining happiness
Maintaining happiness throughout the entire relationship can be tough, the honeymoon phase wears off and finding the same excitement you had in the beginning with your S.O. is almost impossible. When this happens for the first time in your life (during your first serious relationship), it can be very destabilizing to yourself. However:
2. Learning about yourself through the other person before you’ve had a chance to learn about yourself alone
It’s no secret that one of the greatest difficulties of being young is figuring out what you want and who you are. Part of the way this process can be made easier is if you have the freedom to do things that will help you “find” yourself. When you are committed to somebody, constantly taking them into consideration makes it very difficult to make the appropriate decisions for yourself. It even makes it hard to figure out where the proper decisions may be.
3. Wanting to see other people
This ties in with figuring yourself out. It isn’t necessary to see other people in order to “find” yourself, but it is also no secret that there are many, many interesting people in this world who are always going to be desirable. There is that hidden possibility that someone else, someone new, might be out there for you that is more compatible and right for you. With this comes along the constant battle for you to want someone else, or to essentially “try” someone new, or to keep that comfort and security in which your partner already provides. I think this quote accurately describes those feelings:
“What should I do about the wild and the tame? The wild heart that wants to be free, and the tame heart that wants to come home. I want to be held. I don’t want you to come too close. I want you to scoop me up and bring me home at nights. I don’t want to tell you where I am. I want to keep a place among the rocks where no one can find me. I want to be with you.”
– Jeanette Winterson, Lighthousekeeping
4. Boredom
This is a common situation amongst relationships and marriages- couples get stuck in a rut. This can be caused for several reasons. Knowing everything about the other person means there are less interesting things to talk about which can make you feel like you’re losing connection. Which isn’t actually the case, but sometimes it feels like it. It becomes difficult finding something new to do, and you get into this routine of doing the same things over and over again. Boredom can stem from being in a comfortable state and it’s hard to force yourself out of it, however, by doing something new and out of the ordinary, can help you get rid of the rut in the relationship!
5. You’re going to “hate” your partner
Lastly, reoccurring arguments. You will notice things about your partner that you did not notice before and that come up again and again. The resulting arguments will not necessarily be huge, but they will be annoying as they can be reoccurring. With time comes fighting, and sometimes it can be over important things, and sometimes just plain old stupid things, but they are inevitable.
There are so many other difficulties that happen within a long-term relationship, and unfortunately you just cannot realistically get around them. Just know that if the good outweighs the bad, then you’ll be just fine :)