I’m sure we’ve all heard of the infamous “bros before hoes” phrase, but have you ever wondered what the female version of that phrase would sound like? Chicks before dicks? Sisters before misters? If you’re not quite sure or even if you had to think about it for a little bit, don’t worry–you’re not alone.
A few years ago I found myself questioning the meaning of this phrase after being caught in a messy situation: a love triangle. My friend and I were simultaneously crushing over the same guy (who happened to sit in between us!) in our lab section. My shy friend had been secretly gushing over this dude for weeks. I couldn’t help but feel guilty when he slid into my DMs and asked me out because—did I mention?—she’s my friend!
It’s not like I hadn’t seen this state of affairs come into play before among dozens of others girls. In fact, the “steal yo’ man” vibes were surprisingly strong that fall. Yet the way I saw it, I had to make an uncomfortable decision that most women are challenged with: open my heart to a new love interest and hope it works out for the best, or risk losing my good friend?
Most times, answers to our problems are clear-cut, but if we’re caught up in a situation that could have multiple outcomes our decisions can be backed by some serious doubt. So, if you’re currently contemplating a huge relationship decision or need some extra guidance, consider these 2 options:
Will my decision hurt other people, including myself?
As I stated earlier, I worried over the idea of hurting my friend’s feelings and losing our friendship. Did I want to be that girl that risked it all in the name of love? Or did I want to be that girl that lost all her friends over a guy? Personally, I couldn’t imagine what it would be like to not have my friend by my side to share laughs with, exchange secrets in girl code, and who’d be there when I needed a shoulder to cry on. However, the downside to making that decision was the disappointment that I had in myself afterwards. Since I wasn’t honest with my friend and myself in acknowledging how I felt, the opportunity for growth between everyone involved was lost. Sure, she probably would’ve been mad at me for a while, but real friends will stick by your side through thick and thin as long as you’re honest with them.
Will this make me happy in the long run?
Every situation is different and no one can fully understand what you are going through until they experience it as well. If I had to do it all over again, I would have had a candid conversation with my friend. I would have told her that I want our friendship to be strong, honest, and flexible on both sides. That could have meant being honest with how we both felt, setting boundaries, coming to a mutual agreement on how to handle the situation, and more! Above all, I would want to make a decision that I would not question in my future. So whether you decide to go for the guy or stick by your friend, you should be 100% proud of the decision that you make!
I will leave you with this final question: where does the loyalty within a friendship end– when you’re officially dating the guy she likes, engaging in pre-dating interactions with that guy, or somewhere in the middle of those two options? Whichever your answer is (it will be different for everyone), I hope you find and stand by your answer.