When I was in seventh grade, I remember crying because of my grandfather’s passing. I was angry. I was depressed. I was traumatized. This was all because I couldn’t do anything to stop people from leaving me and everything was just out of my control. After that, many people continued to leave my life due to many reasons. The various “heartbreaks” that I have experienced changed my life completely. Many things that had value suddently started to not have as much significance as it had before. Experiencing loss caused me to go through many sleepless nights, which gave me the chance to reflect over and over on how I should deal with it. This is what I’ve learned from going through various heartbreaks and loss.
1. Power of Vulnerability
When you are in a state of loss, nothing helps you more than having a group of friends or family members to talk to. You must always know who will be ready to support you and remember who you can rely on to make yourself feel better in those bad times. Most importantly, you must not be afraid to be brave and share your own story with others. Sometimes we think that keeping everything to ourselves is a way of avoiding distractions and interruptions to other people’s lives, but there are so many people out there who are willing to hear you out. When you are vulnerable, other people are able to learn more about you and give you powerful advice that you might not know before. Being vulnerable is also a sign of sincerity and trust. When you are vulnerable to the people around you, you are showing that your listener is someone important and trustworthy. You will be surprised what they will give to you in return: love, support, and their vulnerabilities too.
2. Happiness Isn’t Always The Standard
Everyday when we go out, we ask general questions to people like “how are you?” And “how have you been?”. Most of the time, the replies we receive are “I’m fine”, “I’m good” or “I’m okay”. I realized after hearing this a thousand times that sometimes, people are lying. There will always be days that you are sad and that you are not feeling entirely happy. By not being vulnerable, people are setting up the standard for happiness to be so high that others start to “emulate” that standard of happiness. When I went through loss, I realized that many days I did not feel fine. There were many days I was on the floor crying, wondering where my next step was going to be. It is important that we are truthful to our own feelings and realize that we are not always going to be happy all the time. We are humans and as John Green wrote, “Pain demands to be felt”.
3. Time Heals Everything
Whether you like to admit it or not, time does heal every heartbreak. When I was going through loss, I would always love to say that “time will not take away the painful feelings away” to emphasize how hurt I am. However, always remember that no matter how much pain you are experiencing, time will eventually heal you and decrease the intensity of your grief. You will always find various sources of happiness that will uplift you. However, the amount of time it takes for you to heal depends on your mindset — whether or not you will view things differently in a positive light or stay narrow-minded.
4. Logic Suppresses Emotions
Over the times I was going through loss, I began to reflect more and more. When you reflect and start writing things down, you are turning your emotions into logical thoughts that will allow yourself to understand your situation more. When you understand why you feel the way you feel or truly understand the origins of your feelings, it will really help you get through your heartbreaks. One thing I realized from continuous reflections is that we lose someone everyday. When we start to not contact someone or stop keeping in touch with someone, that person will eventually leave you. Loss is a common state of humanity that is inevitable. Realizing this made me more understanding of loss as something that I must generally face and it really helped me get out of depressing times. When you make reflections, try to make lots of generalizations: it will help you view the world more as a whole.
5. Have Courage To Love Again
When I went through loss, I didn’t have the courage to let people into my life because I thought that allowing people into my life would mean that there would be a higher chance that they could just walk straight out. I understand that sometimes it is hard to have the audacity to start feeling again, but don’t let sadness determine your next step to living life the fullest and finding happiness. Remember that every choice is a risk and bravery is always a skill that needs to be practiced.
6. Love Yourself
When you go through loss, you might start to blame yourself and ask for validation from people. But always remember that you don’t always have to be “correct” all the time because people have their own reasons to leave you. So when people leave you, give them the benefit of the doubt and start to think about what your next step is going to be. Don’t immerse yourself into sadness. Always keep in mind that when you are broken, you do not have to stay broken.