I am a crier. I’ve taken pride in that since I was three years old. I cry about everything—whether my mom won’t buy me the latest CD collection of a new Indonesian singer or because I had to leave home for college.
I cry because I can feel those raw emotions flow out of me with the tears. I feel the most alive when I cry because I relieve the sadness, anger, and pain. I am sure about one thing though, in this new year, starting in 2018, I don’t want to cry about small petty things that I thought I “should” be sad about. I don’t want to cry about the way people mistreated me because in this new year it is all going to change.
In 2018, this new year is the birth of knowing your worth; an acknowledgment that you are worthy of love and happiness even though you are flawed.
I am not going to cry over an emotionally draining relationship, whether it is with my family, friends, or a lover.
I decided that, if you would want to make me cry, make me cry because you just bought me a new Hermés bag or a Gucci wallet. You better make me cry because you offer me helping hands and give me affection when I needed you the most. You better make me cry in the way you call me beautiful as if there is no other woman in this whole world. You better make me cry because you just bought me a Green Tea latte when I was about to fall asleep studying organic chemistry. If you are going to make me cry, you better make me cry as if you have made me feel that affection from the pure heart of yours.
I believe on this day that I don’t want to stay in a broken or toxic relationship that either made me question my worth or cry as if that is a job that pays me 200 bucks per hour. I don’t want to ask myself again and again, “Am I dating an onion or a human at this point?” I do not want to settle for that. I would never ask myself again about “Why he/she does not want to be friends with me again?” or “Why does my dad never call me?” Because there is no need for you to beg someone to stay or for their attention and if that ever comes to mind, you have asked the wrong person. I am sure as hell that even though some people can’t reciprocate their love to me that does not mean other people don’t. If you want to make me cry, you should better understand it is because you want to make me feel as happy as the kid in a candy store.