pâro (n.) the feeling that no matter what, what you’re doing is always somehow wrong—as if there’s some obvious way forward that everybody else can see but you.
The 52-Hertz whale is fated to remain alone. It sings at frequency that the rest of its species can’t hear, so it wanders the waters of the Pacific Ocean in search of a tribe that’ll never come, never quite understanding why it can’t find companionship.
The media loved the tragic story of the whale. Minutes after it broke, it was relentlessly retweeted, shared, and re-blogged. People all over the world sympathize with an unnamed 52-Hertz whale—so much so that a kickstarter fund to raise money to track it down hit its target goal of 300,000 dollars in weeks—because the mere idea of being on the outside looking in is enough to incite a powerful and collective reaction. We sympathize with the underdog because we see ourselves in them, and we hope that they find their perfect ending because it means we will too.
“we start believing that we belong. but every sun doesn’t rise and no one tells you where you went wrong.”
The human condition is so invariably different yet so painfully similar, because the feeling of somehow always being behind, on going down the wrong path, isn’t an uncommon one. Dear Evan Hansen, the entire album Bloom by Troye Sivan, and the cinematic masterpiece Ladybird all make it the focal point of their messages—the strange relatability of being surrounded by people but yet, feeling indescribably isolated, like you know you’re following a set of directions that’s leading you the wrong way but can’t find your way back to the right path.
“will i ever be more than I’ve always been? i’m tapping on the glass, waving through a window.”
It’s not a secret that modern academia doesn’t particularly help either. In a university-wide culture that not only allows but encourages constant, relentless competition, it’s difficult to discern the difference between deserving to be where you are and pretending to believe that you do. Imposter syndrome is so normalized that if you don’t feel it, you’re not doing enough. We’ve somehow imbedded competition into imposter syndrome itself.
sonder (n.) the realization that each random passerby is living a life as complex as your own.
The irony of loneliness, however, is that everyone feels it. Even whales. While the isolation that comes with forging one’s own path is difficult to deal with, it is imperative to growth, and frankly, far more common than we realize. (According to Forbes, 70 percent of people report having felt imposter syndrome in the past!) Even in a certain, stubborn bout of loneliness, there is solidarity if we choose to find it. It’s the beauty of being human.