Situationship – “a romantic or sexual relationship that is not considered to be formal or established”
This definition may seem logical, but if you’ve been in a situationship before you already know it’s anything but. If you haven’t been stuck in a situationship before, I envy you. It can be so confusing figuring out you and your partner’s feelings with the seemingly endless ways to connect with people in the modern age. From simply socializing and going out to dating apps and social media it may feel like commitment is a big step to take.
However, after being in this situation time and time again, I’ve gathered a few tips to guide you if you’re trying to go from casually dating to a committed long-term relationship.
The first question to ask yourself is “is exclusiveness truly what I’m looking for from this person?” Think about your personal priorities. A committed relationship definitely takes up a lot of time, and of course if you enjoy this person’s company you wouldn’t mind setting time aside for them… in the beginning. If you’re a full-time student, have a job or an internship, and do multiple extracurriculars, a relationship may not be something you have time for. It’s entirely possible to manage your time well despite having many obligations, but having time for your friends and most importantly, yourself should be your #1 priority before introducing a partner in your life.
It’s also important to ask yourself how long you’ve been seeing this person. It’s never a good idea to rush into a relationship with someone you barely even know! Make sure getting to know this person has been nothing but “magical” before taking any serious step.
Building a true connection takes time, it’s more than lust.
Compatibility also plays an extremely important role in the longevity of a relationship. If you can’t agree on fundamental ideas, it’s unlikely a serious relationship will work out.
If you find yourself constantly having to defend this person to your friends, or can’t see yourself introducing them to your family, they’re not worth pursuing seriously. Always know how valuable you are.
Once you’ve considered all these factors, try lightly bringing the topic of a relationship up. You can start by asking how they feel about the time you guys have been spending together, or simply ask how they feel about you.
This can open the conversation into the future of the relationship and give you insight about where you are on their priority list.
If it’s clear they’re not looking for anything serious, then it’s time to move on.
If it seems like they just don’t like you enough, it’s also time to move on.
Never reject your feelings for the sake of maintaining “a relationship.” It’s not healthy. If you are confident about commitment, then that is what you need.
You won’t be happy settling for something you don’t want.
If the issue is that they are not at the same pace you are at with the relationship and need more time, this is where it gets trickier. You have to decide whether it’s worth waiting and set a personal timeline for yourself. Think of this “casually dating” stage as a free trial. A free trial doesn’t last forever, there gets to a point where one needs to “subscribe” for more. If this person is exceeding your “free trial,” it’s time to cancel their subscription because it’s unlikely they’re going to commit.
So you’ve thought about what you wanted, you’ve built what you feel like is a solid connection and you’ve determined all they need is a little more time… this is where it gets fun.
If you aren’t exclusive with this person, they may not feel any inclination to commit. They’re seeing you while also having the opportunity to talk or see anyone else they want, when they want, if they want to.
Why would anyone pass that up?
To be clear, you may already be doing that as well, but the difference is that you want a change and they don’t yet.
Hopefully this step alone will result in their desire to become more serious with you.
Take a step back. Gently pull away.
Absence makes the heart grow fonder is a tried and true statement. By limiting the access they have to your absolutely incredible self after they’ve already gotten a sneak peek, you will be forcing them to recognize their feelings for you in a meaningful way. Sometimes people can’t see what’s in front of them until it’s gone.
If they don’t see what you have is special, then it’s not.
After you’ve spent some time on yourself instead of them, and they don’t do anything to ask you what has changed or pay any attention to your subtle absence, then they are not the right person. Don’t waste any more time with this person because you will definitely find someone better for you.
If they do grow concerned this is a good sign you’re meaningful to their life and they want you to be a part of it! Rest assured commitment is on the horizon.
Always remember, dating is about having fun, meeting new people and adding fulfillment to your life. If someone is stirring up negative feelings inside of you, do yourself a favor and get out of that situation. You always deserve true peace and happiness.