Six Weeks Into College & Not Engaged

Last night, during my scheduled Wednesday Bachelorette Watch Night (Wednesday because it no longer airs on Monday because the Pandemic pushback saw the time slot filled by Dancing with the Stars and Tuesday night is too difficult because Wednesday morning always brings weekly Chem quizzes which would take away more than half of us watchers. Also, none of us college first years have cable so watching live is impossible), my friends and I realized something somewhat terrifying to our young adult brains: if we were following the Bachelor franchise timeline for our college experience, we should be, in Bachelor terms with “our person” by now. 

Well, maybe not actually. The 6 week estimate we based this revelation off us is apparently not entirely accurate. The timeline of the show actually varies a bit season to season. According to an article by Insider, it seems like the average span of filming is about nine weeks. However, Sean Lowe, one of the most successful Bachelors in Bachelor history, did propose to his current wife and mother of his children, Catherine Giudici, in just six short weeks.

This realization left me sitting on my second dorm room bed thinking, laughing, lonely. In no way was my expectation for college to meet my husband by orientation week and commit to him by midterms–midterms themselves being a rushed process right now because of our COVID shortened semester–but it still felt overwhelmingly freaky. I hadn’t really thought much about dating at all in the past seven months because of COVID, and now I am watching Claire Crawley bustle her way through thirty men in six weeks in the midst of a pandemic? 

Don’t get me wrong. I am more than glad that Bach is back for yet another go around. This quarantine summer without my usual Love Island UK binge season left me with a terrible longing for trashy TV (I am aware Love Island USA did air this year despite the pandemic but 80% of what makes Love Island amazing is the British accents and slang so after three minutes of attempted watching it was an instant no from me). There is no greater destresser for me than yelling at gorgeous people I will 99.9% probably never meet making a fool of themselves on national television (or international in the case of Love Island) and maybe falling in love along the way. 

But this go around is different. For one, if any of you have read the spoilers, (NO SPOILERS AHEAD) might actually be the most dramatic season yet. Also, this is the first season I am watching where I am legally able to compete (has there been an eighteen year old on the show?). Also, the pandemic.

Let’s delve into that Pandemic unsettledness a bit. First off in the first episode of the season began with a dramatic recollection of Claire Crawley’s woes when her season was postponed. The story of her loneliness during quarantine was told over a shot filmed by a professional camera crew who had to have entered her house supposedly during the quarantine of Claire Crawley looking soberly out a window. Not a great look when you think about it too deeply. 

Later, we watch vlogs by many of the men talking about how terrible the nasal tests they had to take to get cleared for the season were. Keep in mind, Claire’s season began in the middle of July. Were you able to get a test back then?

The men then discover they tested negative for COVID by personally delivered message by Chris Harrison. Not going to lie, I kind of like that touch. (I wonder if Chris tells them they tested negative for STDs as well. Fun fact: you aren’t allowed to compete if you have ever had an STD!) Wish WashU would hire him to tell me when I tested negative. Also, I just want to meet that man. 

To top it all off, of course, we then watch zoomed in makeout sessions between Claire and multiple men which, good for her. It’s her season. But Corona! What if there was a false negative?! I’m sitting amongst my friends who have also very recently tested negative for Corona but we still wear masks and we are certainly not making out. 

All of these are just my first episode CoronaVirus qualms. These are not to mention the fact that this season takes place in a La Quinta Inn instead of the lavish Bachelor mansion or that in the second episode the men are subjected to strip dodgeball.

Once again though, I must emphasize, I will be watching this show every Wednesday for the foreseeable future. It is the burning ship I cannot look away from. And, in all honesty, I would kind of, sort of, love to compete on the show, although I think that if Chris or any of the producers ever saw this article they would knock me from the running immediately. However, I, and honestly all of BachNation fans, must acknowledge that this show is kind of strange right now, and honestly, maybe, it has always kind of been. Maybe the unsettling nature of it is too upsetting for my easily upset brain right now. Maybe I need to read an article about Coronavirus dating. 

Also, PS if you know of a first year student who has gotten engaged to someone you met at this university during our Corona semester, let me know. Also, Mazel Tov if you exist!