How would I sum up my college experience thus far? Boys, boys, school, homework, parties, friends, drama, boys, drama about boys, oh… and more boys.
Like many others, I found the prospect of an entirely new dating pool full of eligible bachelors enticing. I am in no way looking to get my MRS degree at 18, but I am certainly looking to have a little fun. Before coming to college, I was perfectly content, both with myself and my friends. I didn’t feel like something was missing in my life – there was no male-shaped hole in my heart or a lack of someone else’s hand holding mine.
I have never been one to feel the need to be in a relationship either. Sure, it sounded nice, but in high school I found relationships to be more drama than they were worth. Coming to college; however, something changed. Here I find myself looking for that companion, even if not in the form of a boyfriend by definition, but someone to spend time with, to cuddle, to just sit together in a comfortable silence. This revelation is completely unnerving to me. How could I, miss emotionally unattached, Miss Independent, want to be cuffed so soon into college? And do I? Do I really? In all honesty, I think the greatest appeal to a relationship at this point is the fact that guys are vehemently looking for just the opposite. Every girl I’ve talked to has said the same thing, that “he isn’t looking for anything serious right now” or “isn’t looking to get attached.” There is an incredible amount of truth to the old adage, “we always want what we can’t have,” and in this moment commitment sounds great because I can’t have it. If commitment was staring me in the face it would undoubtedly be far less appealing. I mean come on, I can’t even commit to spending three dollars on a cup of grapes in the dining hall or splurging precious meal points on a cookie.
Relationships in college are weird, and during the first semester, they are few and far between. Being thrown into an entirely new environment is incredibly disorienting, and like most I don’t know where I stand most of the time. Even in my current state of seemingly wanting a relationship, the word that shall not be named (commitment) strikes a bit of fear into my heart as well. I mean let’s be honest here…I am barely managing my school work as it is. Add commitment into the mix and who knows what would happen.
By Sophie Goldstein