I still remember the first time I cried in public. I’ve cried countless times in public from sheer happiness, but the first time I really cried from sadness was at a train station in middle school. I had to part ways with a dear friend of mine who had to move to Egypt due to circumstances that was not in his control. I’ve never been good at goodbyes and this one really hit me hard. It was nighttime, and I was trying to hold in the imminent trail of tears whilst holding my friend’s hand. I simply couldn’t let go. I had already missed about three trains at this point. When I finally did collect myself, I rushed into the train and tried to smile. When the doors closed, I instantly felt my cheeks warm with wet tears. This is so stupid, I thought to myself as I sat down and tried to stop crying. But the more I tried, the harder it became to stop. Curious and alert eyes followed my hands as I covered my face. I could almost hear their thoughts and all I wanted to do was hide away from them. At the time, it didn’t strike me as odd when no one came to calm me down. I was just filled with embarrassment and that blocked any other thoughts.
Later that year, I gave a speech about tears at the annual speech contest held at my school and surprisingly won. The former experience on the train left me with embarrassment but the second one did not. But there was one thing in common: vulnerability. Both times, I felt naked for everyone to scrutinze. I felt like I was exposing a side of myself that was open for judgment. However, when I gave the speech, I felt a warm gush from the listeners. I was in no position to preach about how crying is okay but the response left me feeling accepted. Not only did I learn that I shouldn’t have felt embarrassed to cry in public, but I also started to develop a new perspective on vulnerability thanks to the train incident. Why not show a little tenderness? That was the question that lingered on my mind and it hasn’t left me ever since.
We’ve figured out how to connect with people across the globe, as well as people we’ve never even met before thanks to social media. We’ve become much more “connected.” But this newfound “connection” has ironically left us a bit more isolated. Scrolling through a sea of photos and posts on Facebook and Instagram only further reminds you of how much fun you’re not having at that party that you weren’t invited to. You’re bombarded with all the photos of places you have never been and probably will never go to. We can get so lost in other people’s lives that we almost forget that the life they portray online is in fact, just a sliver of their story.
Some artists such as Molly Soda try to authenticate the online experience by posting videos and photos of herself to Tumblr and Instagram, but people that try to do that aren’t the majority. The majority of people, whether or not it’s a conscious effort depends on the individual, depict a slightly different or alternated version of their lives on social media. It seems so obvious but if we don’t remind ourselves of this fact, we could easily become bitter and jealous of others. But even if we do, this still doesn’t change how loneliness has somehow become more apparent today. It’s also difficult to summon the courage to assert this as it’s seen as weakness. No one wants to know how sad or miserable you are; they want more pictures of cute dogs and babies. No one wants to really, and I mean really to the point that it’s uncomfortable, know how you’re doing. Everything seems fine and dandy on Instagram but the moment someone posts a selfie of themselves crying, the act is seen as selfish, attention-seeking, and just plain awkward. Perhaps, this reaction says a lot more about us than the person in the photo.
Why aren’t we empathetic towards the crying individual? Why aren’t we embracing the more raw and human part of ourselves online? Underneath our happy exterior lies a much more complex and intricate interior. Instead of shunning it away, we should acknowledge it and reach out to others. This may sound like emotional mush but we need to learn to re-embrace our emotional and sensitive side. Just because some things are unpleasant to talk about doesn’t mean we should ignore it. Vulnerability is easily dismissed but that doesn’t render it as an illegitimate part of us. Feel when you’re not told to. Rebel against aggressively conventional machismo by going in the opposite direction.
In our rigorously fast-paced life, we should take a moment and tune into ourselves. We shouldn’t be afraid of letting our guard down and letting others in. Yes, that could be scary, but sharing a more delicate side of yourself could be intimate and real. We are all vulnerable and we are all scared of showing it. There’s relief and reassurance in knowing that firsthand. Sometimes you don’t have to shout to feel empowered, you could simply talk.
It’s okay to be human! It’s okay to cry. Hell, you should tell others about the last time you cried. Share your story and listen to others. Give them your hand and shoulder to sob on. Remember, tenderness is not taboo. I repeat; tenderness is not taboo.