It’s late on a weekday and my flat mates are having a group debate about a range of ‘serious’ topics, politics, religion, race, sexism; somehow the topic of catcalling comes and a male friend says ‘Surely you’d just take it as a compliment? They’re just showing that they find you attractive’.
It’s 4pm and I’m walking to a hair appointment. There must have been a football match on or something because there are already drunk crowds spilling out of the pubs and onto the streets. I hold my breath and keep my head down as I walk past a group of four men. One of them steps into my view and utters the classic ‘Y’alright darlin’ – I can smell the beer on him. When I carry on walking he shouts after me ‘It’s not that hard to fucking smile!’ I feel sick. Maybe I should have just smiled? Would he have left me alone then? Or would it be falsely encouraging?
It’s 5pm and I need to post a letter, just as I’m about to reach the post box I realise there’s three boys across the street trying to get my attention. They’re whistling and clicking at me, like you would to a dog. I’m incensed. I want to scream at them ‘I’m a human being not a pet!’ but I just head into a corner shop and wait until they’re gone.
It’s 6pm and I’m heading to a pub to meet some friends. As I turn a corner I run into two men walking the opposite way, as I go to step around them, one of them deliberately steps with me to block my way. I try again to step around him but he stands in front of me, this time coming even closer to me and leaning in as breathes ‘Very nice’ into my face. I finally manage to duck past them and run away to the sound of them laughing. When I get to the pub my friends can see I’m shaken, I tell them what happened and they take it in turns to share similar stories.
It’s 7pm and I’m waiting at a bus stop to go see a friend for dinner. I’m the only one there until a man comes and stands opposite me. At first things are perfectly normal, he asks me about the bus timetable etc. Then things start getting uncomfortable. He asks if I’m married, I laugh and say no; I’m only twenty. He asks why I’m not married, insists that I’m too beautiful to not be married and why I’m bothering with education. At this point I can’t believe what I’m hearing, this is 2016 not the 19th Century. He spots my gift bag with a bottle of wine in it; ‘Oh you have drink! Are we going to drink? Are you going to come to the top deck of the bus with me and drink?’. If the bus hadn’t have arrived at this moment I would have walked home, there are other people on it (thank God) and I quickly take a seat on the bottom deck but this doesn’t stop him from asking if he can sit next to me. I say ‘No’ firmly, and explain I’m going to see my boyfriend (I don’t have a boyfriend) in the hopes that this would get the message across that I’m not even remotely interested. Instead he takes the seat opposite me and proceeds to stare my way for the duration of the journey. I make a series of random phone calls to friends and message them the reason why later.
It’s 8pm and I’m walking with a good friend into town for drinks. A car drives past us as a man in the passenger seat leans out and screams ‘TITS’ at my friend. I’m mortified, my heart drops to my stomach, I look at my friend and I see she is fighting back tears. Her top-heaviness has always been an insecurity so for a stranger to pick on it in such an aggressive way is a huge blow to her confidence. It takes me at least ten minutes to convince her there’s no need for her to go back and change her t-shirt.
I could go on. All these incidences happened within the space of about two months. So in answer to my flat mates question; No. I will never take catcalling as a compliment. I will not take it as a compliment when it makes me feel sick. I will not take it as a compliment when it dehumanises me. I will not take it as a compliment when I fear for my own safety. I will not take it as a compliment when it makes my friends cry.
I wish more than anything that the men who are responsible for this kind of harassment would take the initiative to imagine if the situation were reversed. I wish someone would force them to imagine a world where groups of women twice their age hit on them then screamed abuse at them in broad daylight while their friends laughed. Where women would physically intimidate you and expect you to be flattered. Where women who were complete strangers would offend your life choices and speak to you in a derogatory manner then expect you to be polite to them anyway. Where groups of women speeded past you in cars and shouted about your insecurities to you. Where incidences like this happened every single day to you and your friends. Where you had to walk home with your keys between your knuckles in case one day they didn’t keep driving.
Would you still take it as a compliment?