If you were to open Tik Tok or overhear a conversation among girls today, more likely than not, you will encounter talk of the “girl’s girl” and what it means to be one. Although this lingo did not gain popularity until this year, I think the phrase has always had an unspoken presence in female spaces. While it is true that the girl’s girl is manifested in individual women, the phrase itself also embodies female solidarity. Truthfully, the girl’s girl is now a strong topic of the discourse surrounding feminism in today’s culture.
I think it’s often neglected that the term “girl’s girl” has a multifaceted meaning. It may be interpreted as a girl who chooses to project a feminine persona and is interested in stereotypically girly things such as makeup, fashion, pink etc. The more culturally significant meaning to the girl’s girl is someone that other women enjoy being around due to their sensitivity to other girls’ feelings. The Urban Dictionary defines a girl’s girl as “a girl who has respect for female etiquette” and honestly, I think this perfectly captures it. A girl’s girl is someone who makes another girl’s beauty and strengths known in a room full of people. More notability, a girl’s girl does not bring other girls down, through snide comments or judgment, in order to affirm herself.
The girl’s girl trend began with very innocent intentions. It started as a means of applauding girls who uplift other women and do everything in their power to create a safe space for them. I think the trend started in a very lighthearted manner, which perpetuated a culture of positivity around womanhood. However, as a woman who is conscious of feminist issues, I can’t help but recognize the ways in which the girl’s girl has been weaponized against women. Before the girl’s girl, there was the “pick-me girl,” which is essentially the opposite: a girl who is willing to boost herself at the expense of other women. The main distinction between a girl’s girl and pick-me girl is that the former craves validation from other women whereas the latter craves it from men.
Although the pick-me girl trend started as a funny and lighthearted joke circulating on the internet, it gained traction from the wrong audience. Eventually, the pick-me girl was weaponized against women as a piece of anti-feminist rhetoric in popular culture. There was a period of time where it was difficult for women to merely exist and have interests without being given the derogatory label of pick-me girl. I distinctly remember an incident from my high school that changed the way I viewed the pick-me girl trend. One of my female friends was reading a book in the cafeteria at lunchtime, surrounded by a big group of people. She was given the pick-me girl label by both women and men at the table, implying that she was craving attention for simply indulging herself in a good book. Although the joke was not intended to have harmful intent, I think it speaks volumes to the ways in which these terms, such as “girl’s girl” and “pick-me girl” put social constraints on women.
The “girl’s girl” is ultimately a categorizing term that puts women into either “pro-women” or “anti-women” boxes. I think the term has the effect of pitting women against one another, which is ironic as it was intended to do the opposite. The salience of being a girl’s girl is so strong in today’s culture that the trend has cultivated negative attitudes towards women who are not direct manifestations of the girl’s girl. I have seen instances of girls being excessively critical of one another due to their lack of embodiment of the girl’s girl. While it is great to be a girl’s girl, someone’s lack thereof does not necessarily take away their femininity. Truthfully, not all girls are expressive and outspoken in their support of other women. As long as they are not spreading a negative narrative about women, then it’s acceptable for girls to conduct themselves in this manner. Sometimes it feels as though womanhood is a competition for who can be the best girl’s girl. While some feminists may argue this is a positive outcome to the girl’s girl trend, I don’t think it should be ignored that it’s just another societal pressure put on women. More likely than not, the girl’s girl trend is heading towards a similar outcome as the pick-me girl trend.