“May you never forget the progress you have made, and may you never forget the mountains you have climbed. May you never forget that beautiful things do come together in their season and in their time.” – Morgan Harper Nichols.
As I exit my teenage years and begin my twenties, I cannot help but take a moment to reflect on my life thus far. I think about all of the experiences I’ve had, all of the people I’ve met, all of the emotions I’ve felt, all of the milestones I’ve reached and all of the lessons I’ve learned. Each year presents us with new opportunities, new blessings and new challenges; that’s part of the beauty of life. Today, I’m especially thankful to my family and my friends who’ve brought endless amounts of joy into my life and taught me some of the most valuable lessons. Here are twenty lessons I’ve learned—both the easy and the hard way—throughout my life that’ve been extremely beneficial:
- Habits Form Lifestyles.
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Habits are built through daily choices. These habits create a lifestyle that reflects them. Forming a habit of working out regularly can create a healthier lifestyle. Forming good study habits can create a lifestyle of academic success. Forming habits for taking care of your mental health can create a lifestyle of emotional intelligence and healing. We can mentally plan or imagine goals we have, but none of that can actually happen without intentional action. Focusing on building productive, healthy and wise habits will produce a better lifestyle. It’s important to note that things happen in life that are beyond our control; however, the habits we’ve built can help us process life’s changes, adapt to new circumstances, and ultimately grow from each and every situation life throws at us.
- Make Peace With What Doesn’t Happen.
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Sometimes friendships end. Sometimes relationships don’t work out. Sometimes we don’t get the position, promotion, internship or job. Sometimes we may lose people close to us. Sometimes we may battle health issues. Sometimes our lives don’t look like how we planned or hoped. It’s ok to grieve these things. Your emotions are real; however, oftentimes we can let these feelings consume us. When we start looking back at what should’ve happened, we start living in the disappointment of the past. This is dangerous because it clouds our judgment and prevents us from moving forward with hope and gratitude for the present.
- Discipline & Dedication Must Have Intention.
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In order to accomplish anything well, we must be disciplined and dedicated to putting our best foot forward. A key part of remaining disciplined and dedicated is having a set intention behind all of our efforts. You can be a skilled archer, but if you can’t see the target, that doesn’t matter. We don’t want to aim at the air; we want to actually hit something. While it’s impossible for us to know the future or how things will play out, we can still set personal and professional goals, or targets, that we work our best to hit. Having intention behind your discipline and dedication is having a purpose or reason why you decided to strive after a certain goal or pursue a certain passion. This serves as a motivational reminder for why we should keep going when things get challenging.
- Your Inner Circle Should Share Core Values.
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Friendships are a huge part of our lives. Some of our best memories are made with our friends. These are the people who will experience life with you, which means that their perspective matters. It’s great to have friends that are different from us; however, their core values or things they want out of life should align with our own. If one of your core values is service, then your inner circle of friends should be generous, sacrificial and possess hearts that want to give back. We can all have various interests, backgrounds and strengths, but our visions for our lives should compliment each other. When core values don’t line up, conflict can enter because you’re pursuing opposite goals, which lead to opposite paths. Sharing core values allows you and your friends to push each other towards your goals, understand each other’s boundaries and hold each other accountable.
- Be An Avid Listener.
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Listening to others is a way of showing you respect them and value what they have to say. Oftentimes, we listen to respond instead of listening to understand. Truly focusing on what someone, especially our friend, family or a significant other, has to say establishes trust and deeper connections. It helps you learn more about a person and therefore how to best interact with them. Learning to be an avid listener can also reduce conflict in relationships. Respecting others starts with listening and valuing what they have to contribute or express.
- Emotional Maturity Is Self-Awareness.
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One of the key signs of emotional maturity is self-awareness. Self-awareness is being conscious of your own character. It’s being aware of your own feelings and motives and how they play a part in how you function, process things, and view yourself, others and the world. Self-awareness takes a significant amount of humility, transparency and emotional intelligence, which makes it absolutely crucial when it comes to our own betterment and flourishing. It’s important to acknowledge our strengths so that we know what we contribute to the world around us. It’s just as important to also acknowledge our areas of weakness so that we’re aware of what we need to work on.
- Learn Your Loved Ones’ Love Languages.
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The five love languages are words of affirmation, quality time, acts of service, gifts and physical touch. Oftentimes, we can express love in our own love language; however, sometimes our love language isn’t the same as our friends, family or significant other’s. It’s important to know the people in our lives’ love languages in order to best show them that we love them and invest in the relationship.
- Something Being Hard Doesn’t Always Mean It’s Bad.
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Some things in life are going to be difficult. These things may take extra amounts of hard work and sacrifice, which can feel very uncomfortable or stressful at times. For example, academics can be hard. Managing classes, networking and cultivating your skill sets takes a lot of hard work. This doesn’t mean that you should give up, pursue something easier or cut it out of your life. Sometimes we can be tempted to try something else if something gets too hard. Even though working hard can feel stressful or exhausting at times, remember that the character and habits you’re forming in the process will be the very things your future self will need. This is also applicable to relationships. Love takes work and sacrifice, but it’s worth it because you know they’re a person you want to grow with.
- Be Patient With Yourself.
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Practice makes progress. We often hear that practice makes perfect; however, we’re all human, meaning perfection is beyond our grasp. We make mistakes. We struggle with things. Give yourself grace. Being patient with yourself is not an excuse to be unproductive or avoidant. Instead, it’s understanding that while growth and healing isn’t always linear, the important thing is that you’re still moving and making progress.
- Match What You Ask For.
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We all have a mental list of qualities we want in our friendships and relationships. We may want friends who are loyal, supportive, wise and kind. We may want a partner who is trustworthy, honest, hard-working, sincere and caring. These are all important qualities to look for in the people closest to us; however, we need to recognize whether or not we possess those very qualities that we anticipate in others. Are we the friend who is loyal, supportive, wise and kind? Are we the partner who is trustworthy, honest, hard-working, sincere and caring? Are we the friend that we’d want? It’s important that we seek healthy relationships with others, but we must also care about what we bring to the relationships around us.
- Never Lose Empathy.
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Empathy is the ability to see situations from a perspective different than your own and possessing the willingness to understand that other perspective. Even though we might not experience the same emotions as someone else, that doesn’t mean that those emotions are not real to that person. Since they’re real, they’re important. Empathy allows us to deepen our relationships, learn how to best support the people around us and broaden our awareness of various struggles that may be different from our own. If we allow all of the pain of life to consume us, our hearts will become bitter and closed off. We need to make sure that we don’t mistake overly defensive walls for healthy boundaries.
- Never Stop Pursuing Your Hobbies.
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All of us have different interests, passions and things we enjoy. It can be difficult to carve out time to pursue our hobbies while balancing school, work and a social life. Even though so many things demand our attention on a weekly basis, it’s so important to set aside time to do the things you love. One of my hobbies includes painting. I often don’t have the time to sit down and paint throughout the semester, especially when midterms or finals approach; however, I try to set aside time to paint when the semester is a little less hectic. I’ve found during the times when I can paint, I get a burst of energy that allows me to return to my responsibilities with more motivation and less stress. Painting is a catharsis for me. Whatever your hobbies may be, don’t lose sight of them—especially in college. Also, remember that you’re never too old to pick up a new hobby.
- Invest In Others.
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We all have a person who comes to mind when someone mentions the words “role model,” “mentor” or “support-system.” We all have people who’ve influenced us for the better, whether that was through personal mentorship, words of encouragement or breaking a mold, proving that we can do it, too. There are people in our lives who’ve poured their time, wisdom, advice and care into us over the years. It’s safe to say that we wouldn’t be who we are today without them. If we’re given much, then much is asked of us. We have a responsibility to continue the cycle and invest in others the way we’ve been invested in. There’s a responsibility to pass on certain advice, lessons and support.
- Your Worth Isn’t Dependent On Others’ Actions Or Lack Therof.
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I can definitely be a little bit of an overthinker at times. While this usually plays out to my benefit when it comes to problem-solving or decision-making, it can cause extra amounts of anxiety, too. We can take things too personally, read into people’s words or actions, interpret things incorrectly, or assume the worst of a situation. We’re human. It’s important that we understand that our worth is something that isn’t based on or tied to other people. Just because someone treated you poorly doesn’t mean you deserved it. Just because someone rejected you or cheated on you doesn’t mean you aren’t lovable. Just because you and your friend grew apart doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you. Just because someone didn’t compliment you doesn’t mean you aren’t beautiful. Just because someone didn’t acknowledge your skills, talents or accomplishments doesn’t mean you aren’t intelligent and capable of great things. It’s important to get to a place in life where you can be confident in who you are apart from the opinions, actions or words of others. While compliments are amazing and sweet, we can live off of them and make our self-esteem dependent on them. You carry worth whether or not people have acknowledged that and treated you as such—and that’s their loss and reflection of where they’re at.
- Vulnerability Sparks Growth.
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Emotions unexpressed cannot be addressed. Be transparent about the emotions you feel, the fears you have, the dreams you hope for, the pain you’ve experienced, and the realities you’re processing. Expressing and verbalizing our thoughts and feelings allows us to better process them. We must first acknowledge our reality before we can take the proper steps to grow. Once we rid our minds of the toxic lie that vulnerability is somehow a weakness, we liberate ourselves to truly understand how much of a life-giving strength it actually is.
- Be Kind To Your Own Mind & BOdy.
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We are oftentimes our own loudest and harshest critic. A lot of us would never tell another person what we tell ourselves. The way we speak to ourselves is so important. I used to underestimate the impact of our own language toward ourselves, but it’s true that the words we speak become the houses we live in. A major sign that you may not be the kindest to your own mind and body is if you have extreme difficulty accepting and/or believing compliments about yourself from others. Learning to accept affirmation from others and even yourself is a key step in implementing positive life into your mind and body.
- Accept & Appreciate Feedback.
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Constructive criticism helps us strengthen our skill sets. Sometimes honest feedback can be uncomfortable to hear, but if it’s sound feedback, then it’s ultimately for our benefit. It offers us an opportunity to grow both personally and professionally.
- Prioritize Physical & Mental Health.
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Physical and mental health go hand-in-hand. In fact, they significantly impact each other. Exercising and eating healthy can actually improve your mental health tremendously. Being in a good state of mind increases motivation to care after our bodies. Implementing a weekly workout routine, whether it’s pilates, weight lifting, running, cycling, cardio or a barre class, will enhance your overall health and help you build consistent workout habits that will carry you through your entire life. Investing in self-care, therapy, journaling and other forms of addressing your mental health will also positively impact your day-to-day life.
- Cultivate A Good Mindset & Heart Posture.
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Our mindset and heart posture impacts our attitude and reaction towards things or people. It can influence whether we think the day was bad or good. It’s important to maintain an optimistic mindset and heart, which is not the same thing as being delusional or naive. Part of the way we can cultivate this in our lives is through appreciating the little things in life, removing negative thought patterns, limiting our complaining and releasing bitterness and comparison.
- Live A Life of Gratitude.
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Gratitude is expressing thankfulness for people and things in our lives. It strengthens our relationships with others, allows us to release stress, helps us focus on the good, and improves our overall moods. Living a life of gratitude is taking the time daily to recognize and appreciate all the blessings we have—big or small.
“May you approach this season with gratitude and deeply rooted hope that every day will teach you something that is an integral part of your growth.” – Morgan Harper Nichols.
