Three years ago, if I had to sit down and classify myself into three personality tropes I would have gone with an introvert, a follower and a quiet friend. I was really insecure and doubted myself, living in a state of tension with myself. Being a freshman in college was a lot for me, I had never been that far from my family before; my secure safety net was gone. I was truly on my own and instead of independence, I found a great sense of loneliness.
Freshman year was a year of anchoring myself, accepting that there was a lot about myself I had yet to figure out and that’s okay. I knew that Virginia Tech was right where I should be. I joined Virginia Tech’s Her Campus Chapter as a writer and began to create my own friend network. I looked for ways to meet people and spend time outside of my dorm room. I learned that the more I was with people and keeping busy — anything, from studying, grabbing food, watching movies, to just hanging out — the hours where I was alone were less sad. Instead of being lonely and feeling like I was missing out as the whole world went on without me, I was able to recharge and reflect.
Discovering my place on-campus also meant discovering parts of my personality. As cheesy as it sounds, part of my university’s freshman experiences is taking the Clifton StrengthsFinder assessment. The purpose of this test is to show you what you are innately good at it. When I took my test freshman year, the top five strengths didn’t seem to match the person I was in high school: achiever, responsibility, harmony, adaptability, and belief. I got good grades and was motivated by a desire to do the job, whatever it may be, correctly. But I had never really activated any of these strengths and used them to their full potential — which also meant there was a lot about myself I didn’t know.
When I returned to campus sophomore year, I was coming back as a resident advisor and executive member of Her Campus at Virginia Tech — two intimidating leadership roles. I feel like I stumbled into these roles, I was nominated to be an exec and applied to be an RA on a whim. I was never eagerly looking for ways to lead because I never would have called myself a leader. I don’t like conflict and pressure. Suddenly, I was the person people would be looking to in a situation, I had to know the answers. There were events to be planned, team members to delegate to, residents in the same place I was freshman year, rounds and responsibilities; all of this on top of classes, a social life and leaving time for myself.
I just went with it, I trusted myself (I know that’s a lot easier said than done). I looked back on how far I had come and accepted that there was a lot more to go. I learned as I went. You don’t have to be natural-born leader to lead. Over the course of a few months, I was making the hard decisions and handling the pressure. Being a leader uncovered a lot about my character and values that I would have never figured out if I hadn’t taken a leadership role.
As an RA I’ve activated a great sense of empathy in myself, something I had never really understood until I was in a position to actually exercise it. Being a leader in this position for me has meant I can channel my compassion into something greater than myself. This position has shown me how much of an impact I can make in other people’s lives.
Being an exec for my Her Campus chapter has further surrounded me with a group of strong women and put me in a place to empower other women. I am able to put my talents to use and actively contribute to a mission that inspires me. I’ve found out that just because I’m a leader, doesn’t mean I’m alone.
As a junior, I’m still learning myself. I’ve learned that creativity was a place I thrived in and that I don’t like holding back my feelings. I’ve stopped calling myself the quiet friend because I’m a vocal person and was only quiet for so long because I didn’t trust myself and was scared of making mistakes. I wish I had been trusting myself long before becoming a leader. I had all of the abilities I needed to succeed as a leader before the role, it just took me longer to find them. Know that the process of learning who you are doesn’t happen overnight and it also doesn’t happen without action. Make mistakes. Follow your gut. Go out of your comfort zone. Trust yourself; trusting yourself is the most radical act you can do.
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