Stalker (n): a person who pursues game, prey, or a person stealthily
Sounds a little hardcore right? He might not necessarily be considered a “stalker” per say, but his tactics seem a little intense. Maybe you’ve dubbed him with the title of “stage 5 clinger,” or maybe he takes it all the way to stage 10. We’re talking texts on texts on texts. You would think after a few short answer texts and then no responses he would get the hint—apparently not. Does that make him a stalker? That’s for you to decide (however many boundaries the homeboy crosses can define that). Maybe the guy doesn’t understand the status quo of social cues or maybe he just straight up doesn’t know how to approach a girl, either way he’s struggling. If I could give this type of a guy a label, I’d call him the “pseudo-stalker” and here’s why:
Texts on texts on texts:
We’re talking unanswered texts, ignored texts, short-answered texts; pretend your phone “doesn’t” work kind of texts. You know you’ve all done it. It’s the classic go-to text move. I mean it’s a given when the guy continues to text you “hey, how are you,” “what are you doing tonight,” “wanna get lunch,” every 3 hours. He’s blowing up your iPhone and he still just doesn’t seem to get it. C’mon boys, it’s not really that difficult to understand. Clearly, the girls just not interested. As Jay-Z would say, ‘on to the next one.’
Unannounced Appearances:
As you’re getting your daily skinny vanilla latte at Starbucks, you suddenly see the guy get in line behind you. Well, this is a little strange. Coincidence? Potentially. Maybe he likes Starbucks just as much as you? Probably not, but we’ll give him the benefit of the doubt. But when he coincidentally drives by your house as you’re walking to class, you might have a stalker. Just saying.
Standard drunk dials:
You wake up to your phone vibrating at 3 a.m. and you suddenly think something is majorly wrong. You panic and look at the caller-ID only to see it’s him. What ‘s so important that you have to call me at ungodly hours of the morning? I mean c’mon aren’t my unresponsive texts (see ‘Texts on texts on texts’) enough for you to understand that I don’t want to go to the party you’re at nor do I want to come over to watch a movie. For your own good, delete my number from your phone.
Boys, take my advice when I say if any of these apply to your ‘getting a girl’ tactic you need to consider a new way to impress. Not only are your techniques unimpressive, but they’re embarrassing to your gender. Take it from me, when I say stop, just stop.