“Nobody’s perfect.”
Perhaps the most unhealthy phrase to ever leave one’s lips, it’s ingrained in our minds as children that we will never be perfect. We grow up knowing that no matter how hard we try, there will always be things that somehow diminish our beauty and worth in the world. Despite how toxic that thought is, we tend to agree as a society that there are things about us we would change, and that is only validated by what we see in the media, online and in everyday life. But when did this way of viewing ourselves begin, and why do we have to grow up in such a harsh, critical world?
It’s only natural to compare ourselves to others, a habit that blossoms in the early stages of life as we begin to notice the disparities between ourselves and our peers. In today’s world, that comparison not only happens through social interaction but also online. The media portrays women as thin with ideal figures, clear skin, long legs and natural beauty — a sense of perfection that sets standards that are basically unattainable by young women. It’s embedded in our minds as girls that we have to live up to these standards, a task that only results in feeling failure and negativity that follow us throughout our lives. The comparisons are never-ending; we see models in advertisements and on Instagram, actors on TV and even just random people on campus. The voice inside our heads that tells us we aren’t good enough just never seems to fade away no matter how hard we try to accept ourselves.
If someone asked me what I would change about myself if given the chance, I’d have my list fully prepared and on hand: my weight, my skin, my teeth and my hair. Growing up, I loathed these things and did everything I could to change them, but now I realize that what I used to despise about myself is what actually makes me unique. My teeth are abnormally large, and before braces they were horribly arranged and stuck out in a way that made it look like they struggled to fit inside my mouth. My hair is naturally curly, which is only exacerbated by heat and humidity, and I used to wake up every morning to straighten it because I admired how it looked on other girls in my grade. I wanted so badly to have silky, pinpoint hair instead of my knotty, frizzy curls that took forever to tame with loads of heat. My skin is currently my biggest insecurity — thanks, birth control — and something I worry about daily. Along with my weight, it feels like I’ve tried everything to resolve the problem, and they’re both becoming uphill battles.
Now that I’m older, I have a different perspective on these insecurities; I wouldn’t go so far as to say that I appreciate or value them, since they’re still flaws in my mind, but I do recognize how they make me different and special in my own way. Although I still have the slightest buck teeth, it’s something that I know only I notice, and when I smile, I really smile. After some practice and learning how to maintain my hair, I now love my curls and the many ways I can style them. Although they still get frizzy in the summertime, I’ve learned how to manage them and recognize their beauty, and in all honesty I’d rather have my curls than the pinpoint hair I so badly wanted growing up. Even though my weight and skin are still battles I continue to fight every day, I have to appreciate all that my body has been through and how it gives me life. Whether it’s changing hormone levels or stress, sometimes there isn’t much you can do other than accept the situation and be positive.
Those are just what I consider to be my flaws, but I know that if everyone in the world compiled their insecurities into a list, it would be never-ending, which is a thought that genuinely worries me. It devastates me to know that other women constantly judge and compare themselves to others instead of realizing their beauty and individuality. Despite the numerous sources of comparison, it’s important to understand your greatness. The people we see online and on TV aren’t real people, and we definitely aren’t seeing them in their natural state, so it would be wrong to compare ourselves to a picture that doesn’t accurately reflect reality. In a day when retouching and editing are possible and standard, one never knows what’s real and what isn’t — all we see is the person in the picture contrasted with the person in the mirror.
Instead of making a list of your flaws, I challenge you to write a list of what you love about yourself, even if you don’t fully believe it. There’s beauty in everything if you look hard enough, and sometimes that’s exactly what you have to do when it comes to how you see yourself. Just like the case with my too-big teeth, I’ve also been told many times that I have a great smile, which only proves to me that what I consider to be flaws aren’t always flaws in the eyes of others. Take a moment to appreciate yourself and everything you have accomplished and overcome in your life. Despite how the saying goes, you’re perfect in your way and no one can ever take that away from you.