Just as a disclaimer to this story: I am a McComas-aholic. I go to the gym daily and may or may not fit any one of these stereotypes on a given day. I apologize to anyone whom this article offends. I just hope you look at it from a bystander’s point of view, as I did.
The Show-off: We know you well. Whether or not you’re a professional athlete, you make us believe
you are. It appears as though you can run, cycle, or lift endlessly. You sweat, which we know equals success. We are jealous of you. You already have the perfectly muscular legs, thin, non-flabby arms, and a perfectly toned stomach (we assume). You have the body we’re all striving to achieve come spring break. So, congratulations, show-off. Keep up the good work.
More interested in TV show: Don’t you love the individual TVs on some of the ellipticals? As if it weren’t already a plus that there are six plasma TVs on one of the walls, you can control and personally listen to your own TV while exercising. Yeah, we all know it’s great. But, the TV tends to distract from the workout. If you’re planning your workout around watching the latest Kardashian episode, you may reconsider your workout motivation.
Improperly Dressed: Read the signs on the wall. “Proper attire required.” Why do you look like you woke up, got dressed for class in classy khakis or jeans, then hopped on the treadmill? Here’s a hint: you may actually improve your workout if you considered acceptable exercise attire to allow for ample movement. We all have busy schedules, let’s try to make time to change for the gym. As an aside, sneakers are a MUST.
Sorority Girl: You look super adorable. I love your Lilly Pulitzer/Vera Bradley/Vineyard Vines tote that carries all your workout items. However, you make me feel uncomfortable because I am not making a fashion statement at the gym. That begs the question, should I be? I am jealous of your cute clothes, and would consider wearing them around campus. But that’s because you don’t seem to sweat. Ever. You may consider amping up your workout routine instead of over-focusing on your gym outfit. Maybe.
The Juicehead: Hey, I’ve seen you on TV! You live the real “Guido” life. You’re wearing a sleeveless shirt, muscles bulging, walking with that confidence every guy here seems to lose the second they see you. As a girl, I’m impressed, though. Confidence is key at a place like the gym, keep GTL-ing it all day.
The One-upper: I REALLY dislike you. Especially on those days where I have to force myself to wake up and workout, still half asleep. You seem to have the preconceived notion that we are racing. On treadmills. Side by side. Unfortunately, I’m here at the gym to achieve personal goals, not to race you. I would appreciate if you’d keep your eyes on your own treadmill, and not pay attention to how fast or slow I’m running. You may improve your performance, too!
Chatty Cathy: Okay, so I know I’m not going to be the only one at the gym when I go (unless you go at 7 AM, which I have done before). Knowing this, I’m not going to expect peace and quiet when I work out. In fact, in an attempt to drown out random voices as well as motivate myself, I turn the volume on my iPhone/iPod way up and listen to my favorite Pandora station. However, you become a problem if you insist on carrying a long, drawn-out conversation with your BFF Jill WHILE working out. If I can hear you over my music, there’s a problem. What conversation is so important it can’t wait until the end of your workout?