It’s a little cliché, but I’ve always loved my birthday. Receiving gifts, celebrating with friends, and, of course, blowing out the candles with hopeful affirmations for the next year to come. It’s my family’s special tradition to sing an obnoxious rendition of the “Birthday Song,” even if we’re in a packed restaurant in public. I love everything about it, and as the youngest of the family, admittedly, I adore the attention that comes along with this sort of personal holiday.
Today is my 21st birthday, and the feeling is a little bittersweet.
There are a few big birthdays that come to mind in terms of milestones. There was 17, when I got my driver’s license, a newfound freedom to travel where and when I wanted, and then I dreamt of turning 18. There was 18, when I became a legal adult, had the ability to sign for myself, register to vote, and then I dreamt of turning 21. But now, here we are, and I don’t know what I’m dreaming of.
With the “G” word that I like to avoid talking or thinking about, graduation, approaching this December, this birthday milestone of mine has me feeling a little overwhelmed. Part of me wishes I could turn back the time to the simpler days of looking forward to my 17th birthday, with fewer responsibilities and home-cooked meals. But, of course, the other part of me is excited for all of the opportunities that have yet to come in the future. It’s like being torn in between my childhood and adulthood.
But through it all, I can’t help but feel grateful.
I am utterly grateful for the friends that have been with me since my early birthdays, my family for providing me with endless love and support, the experiences along the way which set me up for a bright future, and all the people in my life who are here now to celebrate another year’s past.
Though the thought of growing up is something that has always frightened me, there’s a difference between growing up and growing old. The people I have by my side keep me young at heart. Tonight, I will blow out the candles with my heart full of love and light. Here’s to many more.