The connections we make with others and how we make them is often a result of communication. Of course, there are many other components that go into developing and maintaining relationships, but communication seems to be at the forefront.
For this article I would like to use Britannica’s definition of communication, which is the act or process of using words, sounds, signs or behaviors to express or exchange information or to express your ideas, thoughts, feeling,s etc. to someone else.
While communication seems to be simple, how we use it in our everyday interactions sets the tone for the relationships we create and the engagement we have in other individuals’ lives.
The complexity surrounding communication is ever-growing and different for various situations. Common problems are always bound to occur, but more seem to happen when there is a presence of either under or over-communication.
under-Communication
The first struggle to communicate can happen when there isn’t much communication going on at all. Under communication is what happens when there is a struggle to exchange information between parties. In this phase, we often feel left out of the loop, which isn’t good for any party in any relationship.
When we start to feel left out, we often want to doubt and find faults in our relationship. Since relationships are largely built upon our conversations with each other, not having them or leaving out important details can impact the amount of trust one may have in their relationship.
You can alleviate this stress by being open within your relationship by asking for what you need. Some individuals may not be aware that they are under-communicating and sometimes just making someone aware of their actions and how they are making you feel can be the biggest step forward.
Over-communication
On the opposite end of the spectrum, there’s over communication, while less common, it is defined as deliberately communicating more than what is generally necessary. It could be simplified to over-sharing or redundancy.
Examples of over-communication can appear when one party tends to only talk about themselves or their experiences without regard to your own. On a more serious level, it could mean the constant repetition from an individual as a way of being overbearing or trying to be spiteful.
These two extremes can often be easy to identify based on other behaviors your partner or anyone else is showing towards you. Any type of over-communication can lead to being emotionally drained and makes it easier for one to withdraw from a situation.
You can take a similar approach to this by being open and honest with that individual about how the conversations you are having make you feel. You can then begin to work together on how to better communicate.
If you feel that you could be the one over-communicating, try to simplify your message. Think about what is necessary to say or if you are just filling gaps in the conversation. Once we begin taking others’ feelings into consideration we can begin decoding how we might feel if we received the same message and begin tailoring how we respond and react.
Communication is the basic form of any relationship, we need words to understand each other, so it is important that we understand the things we are saying and how they come across to the ones we are communicating with. Clarity is something that everyone wants to have. Once we can understand how we communicate as individuals, we can begin filling the gaps, so we won’t experience the pits of under and over-communication.