A major part of the college experience is that it offers the opportunity to go through several different life experiences. While the overall experience is different for everyone, there are a few general life lessons that most college-aged people can relate to.
Moving out for the first time can be a daunting experience on its own. Figuring out what your preferences are and budgeting them is a task in itself. Then finding and securing a place that is within budget, location, space and has proper amenities is another thing to keep in mind.
Getting a place that fits your preferences and budget is one task. Finding a solid roommate is another major task to pay attention to. There are a lot of different things to consider before signing a lease with someone.
A roommate can make life easier or harder depending on who it is. While having a random roommate can be fun, it has many risks! I did a random roommate for my freshman year and it worked out great for me. Personally, I know that I am big on communication and boundaries, especially when it comes to living with someone. I was lucky enough to be paired with someone that was on the same page. Not everyone has the best random roommate experience. Hence why it’s safer to choose a roommate.
There are a lot of things to consider and questions to ask before deciding to share housing with someone. I highly recommend making a roommate agreement document, even if it’s not the VCU roommate agreement from the dorms. It helps to keep everything in writing just in case of any miscommunications or arguments in the future. Speaking from experience, some people are professional gaslighters! Having an agreement in writing can help to put out the fire.
There are the basics such as living preferences for where you choose to live. What’s the monthly budget? How long is the lease? How is rent being split? How far from campus, work, activities, etc. and what neighborhood? How many bedrooms and bathrooms? Is an in-unit washer/dryer important? What kitchen utilities are a must-have? What about AC/heating? What is the pet policy? Parking? Guests? Mail? I know, there’s already a lot that has to be considered and agreed upon when moving in with someone! Other added apartment amenities matter. Such as: gym, front desk, security, study lounges, hang-out spots, events, outdoor lounges, rooftop seating, etc.
Once the living situation is agreed on, figuring out habits and personal preferences is next. While some people aren’t too particular about having agreeable living habits, most are. Be honest about what is expected from yourself and from a preferred roommate. Are you clean or messy? Night owl or early bird? Loud music, no music or something in-between? Introvert or extrovert? Guests or no guests? Stay home or go out most weekends? Smoker/drinker or non-smoker/non-drinker? These questions can help to narrow down the likelihood of finding a roommate that can coexist easily with everyone. After all of that, the roommates can be chosen and agree on the living situation before moving on to signing the lease. Keep it all saved in writing!
Most if not all college-aged people eventually have a roommate horror story. It’s normal to argue with your roommate. That’s bound to happen if you share a living space with anyone. I was still fairly naive going into my sophomore year. Random roommate worked out so great for me last year, so why not do it again this year? (Big mistake). I get roomed with three girls that are best friends prior to all of us moving into our four-person apartment. Red flag number one. Already, I knew that this would be quite the living situation.
To sum it up, all three of my former roommates were their own little clique. On more than one occasion they would gang up on me. Whether it was by giving me the silent treatment, screaming in my face and calling me names or gaslighting me and accusing me of being a liar, they did things as a team. After all of that, my final straw was with the roommate from hell whom I shared a side of the apartment with. She would get in my face and scream insults at me. When I tried to walk away she would follow me to my room. She would still scream at me through my door while banging on it. I had to get out and luckily I did (freedom)! Now I’m in a really good living situation.
While my roommate story is a bit out of the ordinary (I hope), disagreements are bound to happen. Finding a way to cope with a bad living situation is also important. I was lucky enough to have friends that would let me stay over if I didn’t feel like being around my roommates. Making sure to get out of the house really helps. Having other activities and events to look forward to is great. Also having a support system, preferably on campus. Be sure to document as much as possible, just to be safe!
After that experience, I really learned what to look for in a roommate. Everyone has different preferences for their way of living — and that’s totally okay. What’s important is to set strong boundaries while respecting others. Communication goes a long way! A simple heads-up or quick chat can make everyone’s life easier. Finding someone that is on the same page and wants the best for everyone in the living situation is the best way to prevent a roommate horror story from coming true!