The summer going into senior year is something small, yet it feels so big to be able to say I’ll be a senior next semester. It’s even bigger, even scarier, to say that I will be turning 22 years old in the summer. This summer feels more permanent. Summer is an exciting time, where you go to concerts, sit in the sun, and get a break from school. The older I get, the more I realize, It’s not going to be like that for much longer.
It feels like just the other day I was a senior in highschool. Everything was so easy and all we had to do was get through online classes to make it across the stage. I got to go to grad parties and see where all of my friends would go to college. It was exciting. In highschool, it did not seem like a big choice, where I would go, what I would major in. I didn’t have to have everything figured out. Everything seemed possible at the time.
It’s not something anyone can prepare you for, or they try to. I’m not sure if anyone is actually supposed to figure out their whole life course at 21 years old but that is what it feels like. Most people are scared about almost anything that has to do with figuring life out, I am. Most people in my age range do not want to go into a corporate job where you have to work 9-5. It’s a structure that has been around for many years, but it feels impossible to live your life while you’re in it. It’s scary to think about the next chapter of my life and not knowing how it will turn out.
This summer, I hope to do more spontaneous things. Even though I’m worrying about my future and trying to set myself up for success, this is my last summer as a college student. I want this summer to be something I look back on when I’m older and smile at all the memories I made. I want to go to the beach, concerts and do things that I won’t be able to do after I graduate. Even though I am terrified for my future, I am also excited for the change and growth that I will take on in the next chapter.
All of the things I am scared or worried about is what makes life exciting and thriving. It’s what I’m passionate about that keeps me from giving up on what I want after graduating. It’s the 10 year old journals in my old room that inspires me to keep writing. It’s my Gran telling me her dream was to be a writer when she was younger that makes me excited for my future. So even though I am scared to turn 22 years old and to say I’ll be a senior next semester, I am glad that I am scared because that means I care about what I have been passionate about for years now.