I was introduced to religion at a very young age. I wasn’t even four years old when I started attending a Christian daycare where everything literally revolved around religion. Needless to say, I didn’t have much of an option. Religion wasn’t a choice. It was a way of life. If I wasn’t completely turned off by the idea of forced Christianity already, I definitely decided that I was fed up after joining my first prayer circle at daycare. All of the big kids prayed for their sick grandparents and asked for blessings due to whatever financial hardships their families were in at the time. I, being no older than five years old, assumed that all of the big kids were supposed to lead by example. A younger and much more impressionable version of me told the woman running the circle that I had nothing to pray for due to the fact that my family had not been experiencing any health or economical struggles at that time. She was disgusted. I sat in confusion while she berated me for making such a terrible, but truthful, comment. As if my tears were not enough of a red flag, she continued to tell me how wrong I was for not thanking God that I had not been facing any hardships. I was told to continue sitting on the prayer swing while the big kids got to play. I watched them slide down the slide and play outdoor games, wondering where I had gone wrong. I told my mother what happened that day and never went back to daycare again.
However, this did not change the fact that I was still dragged to church on most Sundays up until my fourth grade year of elementary school, when the decision was finally made that religion just cannot be forced. I never read the Bible. I was hardly ever awake in church and I didn’t even understand what the teachers were telling me in Sunday school. There was a lot of, “don’t do this” and “don’t do that,” but so many questions that I had about Christianity and religion were left unanswered.
It wasn’t until high school that I was comfortable claiming the fact that I was Agnostic. Of course, there was judgement, as there still is today. However, high school was a space where I was content with being myself. I was completely open to educational and intelligent conversations, but the moment I felt that Christianity became forced was the moment that I became closed to any type of discussion that I felt would not benefit myself or anyone else involved.
Since coming to VCU, I’ve found myself dabbling in several different types of social circles. Diversity ranges from religion, to culture, to ethnicity, to politics to whatever else you can think of and with that, comes education. I learned that religion does not necessarily revolve around a list of rules that you are to follow and be abided by. It’s much deeper than that. I was afraid that religion would strip me of who I was as a person and hold me to these ridiculous guidelines that I would never be able to follow, so, for the first time in 10 years, I went to church.
It was quite an experience. I paid very close attention to everything the pastor said. I followed along the entire time and didn’t get lost once. I learned that every single scripture that was read out of the Bible can be interpreted and applied to anyone’s life in whichever way they may choose. The pastor read certain verses that resonated with me so well, I was nearly brought to tears. I loved the music. I loved the environment and for the first time ever, I understood. The way you are introduced to a new concept can change the way that you feel about it forever, but only if you let it. If it wasn’t for my newly found openness to different social circles and educational conversation, I would have never known that church is not only for people that are religious. Church is for people that need to hear the word. Church is for people that need to hear that everything is going to be okay within due time. Church is for the lonely. Church is for the hurting. Church is for the broken. Church is for people who’ve found love. Church is for people who cannot find themselves at all. Church is for everyone, including me, and I wish I had known that all along.