Right now, every relationship is long-distance, except for ones with people in your quarantine bubble. The pandemic has put a strain on so many aspects of our lives, and friendships are not excluded. I have definitely struggled with staying in contact with people over this past year. It is so easy to not reach out or make an effort to keep up with people’s lives. Before you know it, some of the people you were so close with prior to lockdown have become strangers. Recently I have realized, if I do not make an effort to keep my friendships, they will slip away one by one.
I do not want to end up with only my cats for friends after the pandemic, and I assume you do not either. Thus, I have gathered a few bits of advice regarding regular communication, use of social media and knowing when it’s really over, which reflects my experience maintaining long-distance friendships. I hope this will be helpful to you during the pandemic as well as during our transitions from high school to college, to work, to travel and the inevitable location changes which come with these transitions.
Regular communication is the most important way to maintain any relationship, but especially long-distance ones. Set up weekly FaceTime calls or text friends frequently with updates. Send letters or surprise packages to your friends. Be the first person to reach out. It is easy to think others do not want to talk to you, but people are so busy with their own lives and may forget or think it would be weird for them to reach out to you first.
During winter break, I was sent a text from an old friend who I thought wanted nothing to do with me, but I was glad she reached out, and now we regularly communicate. Sending that first message can start a much-needed conversation. However, keep in mind communication is a two-way street. If you are always the first person to text and the other person does not often respond with the same enthusiasm, you should think about directing your effort elsewhere. In most cases, if the person wanted to, they would make an effort to communicate regularly.
In this day and age, social media can be the easiest way to keep in touch. Following your friend’s Instagram, Twitter and Facebook accounts and making sure to check for updates is a good start. Start a Snapchat group chat and send pictures of what you are doing daily. Looking at what your friend listens to on Spotify can be a fun way to start a conversation. Send relevant TikTok videos to your friends when something reminds you of them. You can start a conversation by commenting on or direct messaging about a recent post and then continue to discuss other aspects of your lives.
Be aware—it is easy to just mutually follow each other and not actually interact. Be sure to start an actual conversation which is key to using social media to truly stay connected. Used in this way, social media can keep friendships going that would otherwise fade without close physical proximity. Personally, I interact on social media with some of my friends from high school and then catch up in-depth when we are on college breaks. The little online interactions definitely make a difference when we do eventually meet up, and it is fun to see your friends grow and change on social media in the meantime.
One thing to ask yourself about different friendships is whether or not you are growing together. Friendships can only work if both of you are constantly bettering yourself and each other. This includes choosing to be in your friend’s corner in times of success and in times of need or sadness. Also needed is the ability to come together after days or weeks of not talking and pick up where you left off. If you are not growing together, it is a good indication you may not need or be able to keep a friendship with the person. You have to be able to recognize you are going to develop different interests and make new friends when living in different locations, but that does not make your long-distance friendships any less important.
However, it does not matter how much history you have. If the relationship is not mutually beneficial, then it can be detrimental for both of you to try to keep the friendship going. This can be a choice. If either of you recognizes you are not growing together and do not want to lose the other person, then have a conversation. If you are not communicating about the things that bother you with each other, or one or both of you is not receptive to what the other is saying, it is a sign the friendship may be coming to an end. This does not mean you need to end things on bad terms, but sometimes being acquaintances with past friends is healthier for both of you in your current lives than attempting to keep a friendship going further than it should.
Bottom line: long-distance friendships are hard to maintain. All the same, they can be sustained with regular communication, smart use of social media and frequent reflection on your relationship with the other person. During a pandemic, everyone is a little lonely, so reaching out first can be key to staying in contact. Use social media to your advantage, and instead of comparing yourself to your friend’s online lives, interact with their posts and stay relevant in their actual lives. When necessary, objectively assess your relationships and put your best efforts into ones that are most important to you. Whether your friendships are permanently long distance or that way because of COVID-19, you have the power to actively make the choice to stay friends with someone.