Expectations vs. Realities of Being the "Nice Girl"

No, I’m not talking about the Taylor Swift “nice girl” image. You know, the one where people play nice but are actually the mean girls underneath?

This “nice girl” phenomenon is different. Everyone knows one, she’s that girl who is always bubbly and positive, who never has a mean word to say. The girl who is pure, silly and full of love for those around her. The girl no one ever imagines could face hardship or have unkind thoughts.

The “nice girl” trope is dangerous. It’s a projection of our society’s need for perfection and an unhealthy expectation of a fellow human being. No one is always happy or kind. It’s weird and robotic to be anything but a beautifully flawed human being, just like everyone else.

The Mind

Expectation: You are incapable of negative thoughts. Everything that passes through your cranium is happiness, positivity and light. You probably spend a lot of time thinking about how wonderful the world is, even though terrible things are going on around you.

Reality: You have negative thoughts, but you’re just good at filtering and suppressing them. The kindest people are usually the ones who have bad thoughts, but can simply acknowledge them without acting on them. You are just as judgy as everyone else, but you keep it all to yourself.


Expectation: You love everyone! Even jerks, abusers, liars and manipulators. See how ridiculous this stereotype is?!

Reality: You dislike more people than you are comfortable admitting. Here’s the thing about “nice girls," you can fake a stiff upper lip and take on almost anything, but once someone gives you a reason not to like them, it’s hard to be swayed otherwise. You may still be civil, but deep down, they are on your hit list.

Outlook and Personality

Expectation: You are a magical ray of sunshine that can never be sad or angry. It’s like you’ve overdosed on happy pills, but in a not-annoying way. Nothing ever gets you down. A lot of people suspect it’s because your life is perfect, too. Since you’re usually happy in public, that’s how you feel and act at home, right?

Reality: You can struggle with depression and be mad, just like everyone else.


Expectation: You are innocent. The dark, scary outside world hasn’t tainted you. You are blissfully unaware of any topic that is even slightly “adult.” You don’t watch movies unless they’re rated PG-13 or younger. You don’t take risks.

Reality: You swear like a sailor and have a dirty sense of humor. Although you might be careful, cautious and aware of your surroundings, you have sparks of rebellious behavior every now and again. Maybe even all the time. You enjoy things that people wouldn’t suspect, like horror movies, dark comedy and sexuality. Embrace your true self, girl!

People are always shocked when you say something even remotely rude or let a curse word fly. You aren't always as nice as people suspect and you have real life problems. 

Photo credits: Cover image, 1, 2, 3, 4