As college women, we are destined to run into fraternity guys on campus. We might even fall for one! Stereotypically, however, collegiettes tend to think of groups of jocks or party-animals when they think of fraternity guys. However this stereotype is an unfair label because every guy is different. If you find yourself interested in a guy on campus, don’t shy away from him just because he is wearing Greek letters. Take a leap of faith and approach him! To help you out, I spoke to a few anonymous fraternity guys who provided Her Campus with the inside scoop on how collegiettes can best approach their Greek crush.
1. Research his fraternity
Before
approaching a fraternity cutie, it is a good idea to do some research about his fraternity. Use the school website to check out their homepage, their motto, their philanthropy, what they stand for, how long they have been around, and how active they are. It is also a good idea to ask other friends about the reputation of the fraternity.
2. Observe his personality
After getting all the facts and information about his fraternity, the next thing to do is observe how he carries himself around campus. Does he walk with a group of his friends? His fraternity brothers? Sorority girls? Alone? His interactions with others can tell you a lot about his personality and what “fraternity guy” profile he appears to fit—the frat star, the aggressive one, the jock, the partier, the guy with the questionable sexual preferences, the boyfriend guy, the best friend or the ultimate bro. It’s perfectly fine if he does not fit neatly under a label—in fact, this is great! It’s always good to find a unique catch.
3. Introduce yourself
After observing him from afar, it is time to stop gawking and introduce yourself. In a public area—such as the food court, library, party or class—make the effort to talk to him. One conversation starter is asking him about his fraternity while he is wearing Greek letters. If he’s not wearing them, mention to him that you have seen him wear letters and ask questions. You can mention some of the things you researched to spark up a conversation and see how he responds. Is he the stereotype you observed from a distance? Or does he shine in person? Let this chat center around him and save information about yourself for after you’ve received your first impression of him and decided he’s a decent guy.
4. Be friendly & play it cool
After formally introducing yourself, see if he acknowledges you around campus. If you’re still interested in him after your first meeting, be friendly and open when he recognizes you.
5. Check out his social media
“Creeping” on social networking sites might sound subversive, but his Facebook and Twitter can reveal everything from his interests, hobbies, mutual friends, relationship status, those embarrassing party pictures and lewd or rude posts that let you know if he’s a gentleman or not. You can also look at his fraternity brother’s social media sites to learn a little bit more about him and his social life.
6. Spark light conversation
One of your next conversations should stem from his social profile. You can ask about his hometown, his interests, hobbies and why he is in his fraternity. This type of interest could even lead to an invitation to an event sponsored by the fraternity. Don’t say yes or no right away—leave yourself an avenue to consider the pros and cons. If you do not receive an invite, you can continue to talk to him until he knows you better and feels more comfortable suggesting that you two hang out. If you don’t seem to get anywhere, he might not be interested and you might have to let this cutie go; or he could just be shy and you might need to make the first move yourself. You can ask him if his fraternity is throwing any events or fund raisers—ask him if he will be there, and make sure to tell him it’d be cool to see him again.
7. Hang out at one of his fraternity events
If you end up going to one of his fraternity events, it’s often a good idea to take one to three friends. Your friends can help smooth over any awkward moments, keep you on your best behavior, and walk home together after. However, make sure it’s alright to bring guests. When you walk in, it’s a good sign if the fraternity cutie formally greets you and introduces you to some of his brothers—don’t freak out! Introduce yourself and your friends. Remember, you researched his fraternity so you always have a small-talk topic to use. If he does not come to greet you, give him a few minutes to make this move. If he does not, staying at the event is up to you and your friends—if it is too uncomfortable being present without his support, it’s perfectly fine to leave.
If you do stay and socialize with him, try to ensure that phone numbers are exchanged when the night ends. You can orchestrate this with help from your friends, a general appeal to the fraternity guys or a direct request to him if you’re feeling bold.
8. Keep in contact
Once you have his number, try not to text him until after you see him in the days after the event. Blowing up his phone is creepy, not cute. He might even text you first, if you’re patient. Stay casual and considerate—you have schoolwork and so does he. He will appreciate your respect for his time, and you don’t have to worry about saying brilliant things every few minutes. After an appropriate amount of time, try shooting him a friendly text (if he hasn’t already texted you). Simply say hey!
9. Pursue deeper conversation
By now, you’ve moved past strangers to “sort-of” friends. Now is the time to delve into more serious questions about his beliefs, personal life and philosophies, and how these relate to his fraternity. You can see how his fraternity influences him by asking about his favorite and least favorite parts and his social life. This is the stage where you really get to know him personally—and vice versa.
10. Go with the flow!
The outcomes from this step are infinite. Now that you’re in a position to speak with him and become more than acquaintances, your interactions with him will show if he is meant to be a best friend, a boyfriend, or somebody that you used to know.