College is often considered the time when individuals learn more about themselves and take time to ask themselves the following questions: Who am I? What do I like? What kinds of people am I attracted to? What kinds of people do I attract?
These questions are all valid. One’s late teen years and early twenties should be considered nothing less than one big learning experience. Thankfully, people usually don’t go through it alone, because they may have friends or peers who are facing similar internal monologues. Sometimes, though, it may be more common to hear certain topics over others, especially in the dating and sex realm. Girls gossiping about their sexual or romantic encounters with guys, and vice versa. But what about the person who doesn’t experience attraction for members of the opposite sex? What if they prefer both? Or neither? Then conversations start to become more complicated.
Whether you or someone you know is queer and out, or they are just starting to find themselves, know that your feelings and theirs are valid. It is perfectly okay to acknowledge the attraction you feel toward another person. This does not decrease your value as a person, and no one else should make you feel ashamed for it. Some individuals in college are just becoming free enough to explore their sexuality in realms they never knew possible because there is no one around them to make them feel restricted.
Personally, I can speak for how relieved I felt to find many other people like me, as well as clubs and organizations that encourage all individuals in the LGBTQ+ spectrum to embrace their identities. Sometimes, getting that foot into the door is all that matters. I used to be ashamed to speak about things that were not inherently heterosexual – crushes, relationships, and other things I have been exposed to in the media, but was too afraid to think about with others around.
Take into account how many others there are like you. It may not feel like it, but trust me, there are. Think about how freeing it would feel to be completely, utterly you without looking over your shoulder in fear of someone catching you watching The L Word or looking up articles about your favorite gay celebrities. I promise that one day, that weight will be lifted. Sometimes, it just takes a positive environment and support from others around you, as well as being completely comfortable in a setting that encourages personal growth. What better place to do that than college?
Along with the feeling of being free and open to explore yourself romantically and even sexually, it is also important that sexual health and protection is taken into account. It seems that in the queer community, there is not much mentioned about sexual health and how to protect yourself from diseases. To prevent this, there are many sources that you can go to to find out more. For example, the health center at your university, searching questions online on a trusted site, or asking a friend who has experience in queer sexual relationships. Your safety and health are extremely important, so make sure to put yourself first before entering any relationship, whether it be romantic or sexual.
Individuals that may have been in the position that others are in now should try their best to encourage living authentically. Nothing feels worse than living a lie. It is entirely possible certain individuals may not have the luxury of doing so, but assure them that when they are around other peers, they are safe. Safety is something that is highly valued in the community. If people want to be a good ally, they should follow this advice as well. Allow queer individuals to have a voice – don’t speak over them, but listen and be willing to help them feel comfortable and loved in any environment they enter.
For some who are taking the time in college to figure themselves out in terms of sexuality and attraction, falling outside of the “norm” might feel as if extra pressure is added to be sure about yourself. Just know it is perfectly fine to still be unsure about what you want. This is the prime time in your life to try new things, discover yourself and have fun while doing it. Just remember, there is nothing wrong with falling outside of heteronormativity. Love who makes you happy. No one can define your identity but you!