Normally, when I tell anyone I identify as lesbian people tend to have questions. Presumably, many of these questions are out of genuine curiosity, and I completely understand their confusion because as a society, homosexual normalities are neither discussed nor explored within our day to day lives in the ways that heterosexual normalities are explored.
However, with that being said, a lot of the questions I receive are inappropriate and degrading. So, to save you the embarrassment of seeming intolerable, here are eight questions you should NEVER ask a lesbian.
1. So, do you even have sex?
Oddly enough, this is a question I receive more often than not. This is usually followed by an eye roll or an “are you serious?” on my part. I am often unsure of whether people understand the extent of this question. The LGBT+ community is constantly having to validate their sexuality and this is one of the ways we are viewed as separate. So, to answer your question: Yes, we have sex. We have beautiful, blasphemous, homosexual sex. To follow up your question: Why do I constantly have to validate my sex? I can promise you there is more to life than just heterosexual sex.
2. How do you have sex?
This question usually follows the whole “do you have sex” question and this one is a little trickier because, in my opinion, this one is a little more genuine. As I stated before, in our current society, we do not discuss homosexual normalities. However, there is a time and place to ask this question. If you are a close friend or family member then it is okay to ask this question. If you are someone I just met or a boy who five seconds ago tried to hit on me than no, it is not okay and completely inappropriate to ask me this question as my sex life is none of your concern. To answer your question, there are a plethora of positions and ways we have sex. My best answer: Do your research. We live in the age of technology and the answer is at your fingertips. To save yourself the awkward silence that will follow, please just Google it. I’m sure there is a Wikihow, a YouTube video or an article that will answer all the questions you may have.
3. Can I watch?
No, you cannot watch. No, you are no longer allowed to enter my safe space. Please leave me alone. How do you not know that that is so incredibly rude?
4. Would you and your SO like to have a threesome?
I would be lying if I said that I haven’t gotten this question on more than one occasion. I always interpret it as a joke, but often times they are being completely serious. To which I often respond: Why would you think my SO and I would want to have a threesome with a stranger? Is this how you view my sexuality? That my sexuality serves to still please men. Would you ask your heterosexual friends this question? No, I didn’t think so.
5. So, which one of you is the guy in the relationship?
I don’t think you heard me when I told you I am a lesbian so, let me repeat myself: I am a lesbian. The whole point is that we aren’t sexually attracted to men. Neither of us are the guy in the relationship. If you are referring to who is the more dominant in the relationship, I have three things to say to you. First, you should probably educate yourself on the ways gender functions in society because if you assume dominance is a masculine quality then you are part of the problem. Secondly, lesbians present themselves in many different and versatile ways that are all equally beautiful and are unique to the individual. By assuming that all lesbian relationships equate to one more female presenting and one male presenting individual than you are feeding the stereotype. Lastly, why is it even relevant for you to know how I choose to live my life?
6. Wait, didn’t you used to date men?
Yes, at one point in my life I did. Largely due to the fact that no one ever talked about gay relationships. I was always taught and it was always assumed that I was heterosexual. So, yeah, we all make mistakes. Furthermore, it is none of your business and that does not make me any less of a lesbian.
7. How do you know you are a lesbian if you’ve never had sex with a guy?
How do you know you are straight if you’ve never slept with someone of the same sex?
8. Are you sure you just haven’t found the right man?
Yes, I am sure. That is the point. Please, try again.